As a kid, my favorite album of all time was Mini Pops.  My cousin Jayme and I choreographed dances to every song (when we weren’t busy dancing to Captain and Tennille and Neil Sedaka. Oh yes.  I went there…believe it.).  The songs were so old by the time we got the record, I’m not sure we realized it was actual rock n’ roll songs performed by kids.  These days, our kids have Kidz Bop CDs, which are so current, the songs playing in my car are also on the radio.  I guess I never asked myself if they made the connection.  I’m so thrilled to be listening to cleaned up and fairly tolerable music (sorry Raffi); I don’t want to rock the boat.

BUT, having a daughter who begged me last Sunday to take her to the mall and buy her clothes (UMMMM…WHAT?!  Oh no.  This phase wasn’t supposed to start yet.  A child who has lost all of 1 tooth should not be asking to go shopping for clothes.)… I should have guessed she’d catch on sooner or later.  Last week in the car while listening to Pink’s “Perfect”, via the Kidz Bop version, she said, “HEY!  Wait a second.  All I really want is to be sincere?  I’m pretty sure I heard that on the radio a few days ago, and it said the only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer.  Those aren’t the same words.  They aren’t even close to the same thing.  HEY!!  What?!”

And suddenly, I felt like the Wizard of Oz, right as Dorothy ripped back the curtain.  There I am, a fat, old little man, yelling into a phonograph arm, “I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ!  Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!  The Great Oz has spoken!”  Oh yes, this girl has my number.  Who am I kidding?  She’s always had my number.

1st grade has changed things.  Last week she rushed home to her stationery box and returned with membership cards she made for herself and her best friend.  Apparently a boy in her class has decided to guard the top of the slide and no one slides down without a membership card.  Sara proudly presented their cards (spelled perfectly, unless you like vowels, which were all missing), and I heard they were accepted, after a comment that key fobs would have been cooler.  And that begs the question, what would a 6 year old be doing with a set of keys?  You want key fobs Mr. J?  Don’t tempt me.  I own a laminator, a paper slicer, and a hole punch.  I’ll show you a “Sld Mmbrshp Ky Fb”. Tonight she proudly showed me her wrists covered in marker.  I guess, and we’ll call her Miss Tiny to protect the innocent, spent the snowy indoor recess drawing “tattoos” on the girls wrists.  Knowing that Miss Tiny’s parents aren’t into tattoos, I can only guess she has learned this from an older sibling?  Damn you Press On Tattoos! Before I could comment on the proper use of markers, Sara launched into a story about how Miss O. and Miss M. have decided to disband their “Fruit Club”.  They formed it last week and invited Sara to join, but now they are bored and are “disbanding”.  Sara’s very OK with this turn of events, because she and Miss K. have formed a “Pets and Family Club”, and I’m being invited to join.  SWEET!  Sara told me anyone is allowed to join any club, which is very heart-warming, and makes me a little sad the Fruit Club has broken up.  That sounded yummy.

And there it is. I’ve said it all.  We own a ton of Kidz Bop music.  Sara wants to shop for clothes.  Most of her stories revolve around whether or not she won a recess game called “The Ga Ga Pit”.  She prefers leopard print to most any other pattern.  Growing up indeed.  You think it will never happen, and then one day you wake up, and you’re not in Kansas anymore…