Max, Loved By All Who Knew Him.
On Wednesday, March 6th, at noon on the prettiest snow day of the winter, Maximus Rube Wahlberg passed away peacefully while cradled in his Momma’s arms. He was known affectionately as Maxie, Max, Little Bear, Blanket, Master, Mr. Mistoffeles, and The Wonder Cat. While is actual age was always in dispute, it became family lore that he and Kelly shared a birthday. He died of complications from cancer, and possibly from hot dog toxicity.
He is survived by his Captor, Greg, his Momma, known as…Momma, his favorite cuddle bunnies Sara & Kelly, his big sister Sydney “Syd” Bristow Taurel, his little brother Cyrus “Cy” Johnson Johansson, and his wife, Sock Monkey. He was preceded in death by his big brother BlackJack Cusack.
While he may most be remembered for being the first Cat Champion of the Kentucky Derby, he was equally proud of his accomplishments in the field of Science. However, he was once quoted during an interview on NPR’s “Talk of the Nation” as saying he found his true passion when campaigning for Feline Marriage Equality. He and Sock Monkey enjoyed many happy years together, and she mourns his passing while wearing a silent, yet strong smile. He also worked as a Guard, A Sleep Monitor, An Energy Conservationist, A Crafting Editor, and a Speed Bump.
His early years were clouded in controversy. He worked as a DJ, but admits those years were a blur because he was addicted to turkey. He said his low point was the day he fell into the trashcan while attempting to retrieve a chicken leg, which he swallowed whole. Because it didn’t kill him, he took it as a sign that he should change his ways, and dedicate his life to more fortuitous pursuits. As in…pursuing ducks. He was a holy terror to any and all water fowl. At the end of what he called his “dark period”, he survived an attack by a ferocious animal, who still remains on the loose. Nearly losing the use of his tail was the wake up call he needed. He kicked the turkey habit and went on a strict hot dog and yogurt diet.
Max was proud of his girth, and while he admitted to embarrassment when getting stuck under the furniture, and being bullied by the back yard birds left lasting scars, he was still happy he could serve as a blanket for Momma. His thick, luxurious fur covered her clothes for the world to see almost every single day. He especially loved cuddling the days she wore black pants. He was a constant companion during her writing sessions, and was dedicated to bruising her thighs every single night as she read to the girls. While English was his second language, he learned “Greg! You need to trim Max’s nails!” early in life.
Max spent the last 9 months of his life cheating death. He was given 2-4 weeks to live, and proved he had more than a fabulous personality. He had fight. The last words his Momma spoke to him were, “4 years together were far too short, my friend. I’m so glad you came. Momma loves you.” He smiled and said he was so happy to be joining Jack in a place of no pain, but more importantly, no Christmas. Such a damn hassle, he said. And then he walked across the Rainbow Bridge, and entered the Heaviside Layer, forever ending the world’s greatest Trifecta.
Because of his love of the outdoors, Max’s final directive was to be cremated with his ashes scattered over a rose garden, which has been arranged by his family. Memorial contributions can be made to any fried chicken restaurant of your choice. His family would like to thank everyone who witnessed his journey. It has been a blessing sharing this great ride with you.
*A special thank you to Dr. Shelly Mullen and the entire staff of Franklin Falls Animal Clinic. The world’s best.vet.ever. We send our deepest gratitude for the superlative care you gave Maxie.*