Wisdom Comes Suddenly

A White Snow Xmas. Strike That. Reverse It.

December 24th, 2013 · No Comments


Photo courtesy of Mark Dickhaus Photography

Merry Christmas Eve Everyone! We’re fresh back from a quick trip to Chicago.  It’s a zip to get there from our neck of the woods, and nothing puts me in the Holiday Spirit like Chicago hot dogs and Cub fans. Kidding! I wanted to take Goomommy to the Christkindlmarket, which I wrote about last year over here. The girls think we go to Chicago to “swim in the winter”, because kids want one thing in life, and one thing only: hotels with indoor pools. Check.

Outside of working on their backstrokes, traveling is a great way for children to practice the art of waiting. After all, we all know how much children love to wait.  While chilling in the hotel lobby, I asked Kelly to tell me a story.  Nothing is better than a Kelly story because Kelly stories are “very silly” (her words, as she just woke up and is sitting on my lap…her exact words were, “I can see that you are stuck in this sentence. I’ve been reading along, and I think you are looking for the words “very silly”. Agreed.).

Kelly: A long, long, long time ago, there lived a Princess.  Only she didn’t know she was a Princess YET.  The Prince doesn’t kiss her until the end, and he does it while sitting on his horse, which looks very uncomfortable. This Princess had an evil Stepmother who had a magical mirror.  She asked the mirror, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest girl in the land?” And the mirror said, “She has hair as black as Eveline.”

Mommy: I think the mirror says ebony.

Kelly: Ebony? But that’s not a person. Her hair is like Eveline’s.

Mommy: Do you know anyone with black hair named Eveline?

Kelly: Well, no. I only know you, and your name is Lori.

Mommy: Ebony is a color.

Kelly: If you are ebony, what is my color?

Mommy: Spun gold!

Kelly: Ooo, that sounds good.

Sara: What’s mine?

Mommy: You hair is called the Jennifer Aniston!

Kelly: What’s more popular?

Mommy: It used to be spun gold until Jennifer Aniston became famous, and now it’s half and half.

[insert both girls running their hands through their hair and flipping it about…add me to that mix…]

Kelly: The evil Stepmother asked her husband to take her into the woods and KILL HER!

Mommy: Huntsman.  He asked her Huntsman, not her husband.

Kelly: Mommy, that’s not even a word.

Mommy: It is a word.  He hunted things for her.

Sara: Like, he ran errands for her?! That IS silly.

Kelly: Exactly.  Her HUSBAND took her into the woods and told her to RUN AWAY! Go live with the tiny dwarfs and save yourself! So she did.  She went to live with Sneezy, Bashful, Dopey, Grumpy, Doc, and some others, and I always forget the name of the girl.

Mommy: Snow White!

Kelly: No, the name of the girl dwarf.

Mommy: There is no girl dwarf.

Sara: Of course there is! The one with the funny smile and the sideways hat.

Mommy: I’m not touching this one. Moving on…

Kelly: But the evil Stepmother was actually a witch, and she turned into the witch and carried an apple to Snow White.  And Snow White ATE IT! And then she kind of, sort of, not actually DIED! The dwarfs cried, especially the girl one. And they put her in a glass cactus.

Mommy: Casket.

Kelly: That’s what I said. But then a Prince came out of the woods and kissed her, and she got up on his horse, and she kissed him, and the whole thing was very gross.  A very inappropriate ending to a great story.

I would wish for you a Snow White Christmas…no…strike that…reverse it, but I’ve heard it’s unlikely any of us are getting one. So instead, I will send my wishes for you and yours to have a very, very MERRY CHRISTMAS!


Tags: The Girls