Wisdom Comes Suddenly

The Homemade Holiday, Scene 6

December 18th, 2013 · No Comments

B2

For a few weeks now, the word “bucket” has been on my list.  Which meant I was staring at a Bucket List, and it was getting depressing. Today, I remedied the problem by crossing the buckets off my bucket list. In so doing, I may have created a black hole in the felting Universe, but it could not be helped.

B1

As you know, year after year (after year), I sew drawstring gift bags to fill with goodies for the girls’ teachers.  But this year, I sold the bags in the school Auction, and wouldn’t you know, a Mommy in Kelly’s grade bought them. Why would I upstage my own bags, with my own bags? Upstaging yourself has got to be the abyss of the crafting world. Do you think Martha Stewart has this nightmare? She walks in on a buffet, 100x better than her best buffet (I know what you’re thinking: a table simply couldn’t HOLD that many apothecary jars stuffed with coordinated Christmas balls! And I’m not here to squash your hopes, but listen guys, “apothecary” means “jar that holds really old medicine”, and seriously…that’s just super gross on a dining table, and I don’t care what you stuffed into it. It’s like the people who make crafts out of used toilet paper rolls.  Were you assuming glitter glue killed the germs? Because it does NOT you’all…IT DOES NOT.) Oh crap…where the hell was I? Right. So Martha says, “But this is amazing! Who could have possibly created such a masterpiece? Those donut holes filling that apothecary jar are shaped like miniature swans! A swan deep fryer?! I must have one!” And in walks a cloned Martha Stewart, thereby answering her question.  “Of course, only I could upstage myself! Cloning me is a good thing!”

And NOW you see why I couldn’t make bags to give away, only to make more bags to give away. And you thought Biochemistry was complex.
There will be a quiz later.

B5

Last year I tried my hand at a box, and I thought YES! I’ll make Kelly’s teachers BOXES. But then I found these BUCKETS, and well, I think we can all agree…everyone loves a good gift bucket.  You’ve never heard of a gift bucket?  Neither have I, so feel free to quote me (or pretend you don’t know me, because this close to Christmas, I’m looking pretty ragged).  Better yet, upstage me with your own buckets, because you’re awesome, and probably have better taste than I do.

While we’re on the topic of gift buckets (there she goes, using made up phrases again), there is only one thing better than a bucket. And that’s two buckets.

B3

Wait? What’s better than two? FOUR. Four buckets are an awesome thing. Want to know what’s not awesome?

B6

A kid getting the flu and staying home during the last week before Christmas.  She’s missing everything fun at school, and MOMMA IS BUSY. Luckily, Sara didn’t mind, and is always so supportive of Momma’s “work”. Popsicles for Sara! How many? However long it takes you to eat them while I’m cutting and gluing. But no puking popsicles.  I mentioned a quiz, so I’ll copy a question from the State Nursing Boards: Which of the following statements are true: (A) Don’t date Residents, (B) Don’t eat black bean soup for dinner after admitting a GI bleed, (C) Puked popsicle stains are forever, or (D) All of the above.  [The answer is D, and that’s why they call me Lori, RN.]

The animals and pennants were traced from free clip art onto freezer paper, and ironed onto felt. They were cut out and attached with hot glue, and it’s not more complicated than that. I did use Elmer’s and a paintbrush for the tiny, tiny pieces, and the ice skates were cut out with embroidery scissors. The snowflakes are buttons that Greg was kind enough to cut the backs off of a couple of months ago. The rest are just ribbons and what-nots, collected here and there over the past few months, because embarrassingly, I think about stuff like this all the time.

But whatever you do, when you go to buy these plain buckets at The Container Store, don’t tell them I should be creating samples for their Christmas display.  Especially don’t pull up examples of my work on your phone.  I may have tried this, and they will think you’re as crazy as I am. Those Managers don’t know genius when they see it. They see a plain bucket.  I see magic.

AND, we’re almost to the Homemade Holiday Finish Line.  I’ve hoped you’re enjoying the ride.  And sleeping.  I hope one of us is sleeping…because I’m fairly certain it isn’t me…

Tags: The Girls