Ducky,

20 months! We are staring in the face of 20 months! And we are all still alive, including the cats. Some days I feel we may be pressing our luck, as in yesterday when you discovered you could throw your entire leg over the side of the crib by using the end of the bed as leverage, but we’re all still in one piece.

My favorite times with you involve moments of discovery. Most of my “lessons” usually involve a great deal of clean-up, but I don’t mind. It’s worth it to not only watch you be your own Einstein, but to realize somewhere deep within me lies the ability to actually be a parent. I had no doubt that I could feed you, dress you, and spend your college tuition at the Sears Portrait Studio. But actually teach you something? 20 months ago it felt like the Impossible Chinese Postman’s Problem, and yet tonight, you learned how to say Monkey. Monkey! An important word for a girl who can swing her tiny body over the side of a crib.

In February, I introduced a game I originally called Cous Cous Scooping; until I realized Cous Cous didn’t vacuum up in one quick swipe. So I regrouped, and introduced a box of uncooked macaroni along with an entire cabinet of tupperware. Anything to keep you out of the cat food. Is it ridiculously messy? Just ask your Daddy. He walked in Saturday to the entire kitchen floor covered in macaroni and the two of us standing in the middle of it, laughing our pants off. Well, me. Your pants are usually off. My friend Kelly suggested I try duct tape….my little nudist.

Worse than the game was you “helping” me to sweep it up. Wow. It was like the atomic bomb of macaroni. And you’ve insisted on playing this game every day since. Good times, good times.

I’ve also tried very hard to incorporate you into cooking. Why? Mostly because you grab my leg and cry when I’m cooking anyway. Heck, I may as well put you to work. It started with potatoes and has moved to green bean snapping. If there is anything more satisfying than snapping beans, please tell me. It’s my bubble wrap. Can you snap? Not so much, but we’re making great progress.

And of course secretly I hope you’ll love to cook. I’m sure all Mothers have dreams that their daughters will love the same hobbies they do. So I’ll just put it out there: I dream of a time when we spend hours making holiday cookie platters together. If you can’t make a respectable pie by the time you are in high school, I’ll die of shame. Or starvation, because by the time you’re in high school I’ll be like 90. HA! Oh God…..

And tonight was the ultimate: the bubble bath. Like all toddlers, you love bubbles, but I’ve never immersed you into a bubble bath. I pulled out the bottle of Ivory and let the good times roll. Now I’m going to tell you the UNIVERSAL truths my mother told me, and you won’t believe me. You will eventually defy these truths and learn the hard way, but here it goes:
(1) Oil of Olay will give you acne.
(2) Maybelline Mascara will make your eyes so red and irritated that you will get an infection.
(3) Any “bubble” product other than Ivory Liquid will give you a UTI.

And in 1985, Maybelline was the first to hit the market with blue mascara. I was NOT about to buck that trend. My lashes were going to be electric blue at all costs. To match my Wet and Wild Blue eyeshadow, if you must know why. I told my Dad I needed money for “female stuff” (when you get older, I’ll teach you how to get at least 10 bucks out of your Dad, no questions asked), hopped on my 12-speed Cad-o-llac Schwind, and headed off to the Osco Drugstore. OK girlfriends, give me an AMEN. That Toxin-in-a-Tube mascara turned my eyes SO red, and they stayed that way until the Go Gos broke up and all went into Rehab. ‘Nuff said.

I thought you would immediately start screaming, “Bubbles!”, but you did not. You sat in a stunned silence so long, it rivaled the time you painted the carpet with blue fingerpaint. Since then, I always check on you after 10 seconds of quiet. Then, the experimenting began. The running water made them disappear! They could hold a shape between your hands! They stuck to whatever you touched! You could slap them off of my hands! And that’s when ROOKIE Mom appeared again. I thought it would be funny to cover my face in bubbles IMMEDIATELY after teaching you to slap them off my hands. Seriously, how have I lived this long? All parents know exactly what you did next. I’m sure the bruises on my cheeks will heal eventually.

Some day all too soon, new discoveries will happen without my presence. The world will be all around you, and we won’t share every moment of the awesome unveiling. I both look forward to it, and dread it with all my might. This path I share with you is messier, and much more scary than my life before you. But in all honesty, I would not choose to be anywhere in the world but sitting on the bathroom floor, covered in bubbles, watching you play. In discovering you, I have discovered a much better version of myself.

Your biggest fan, Momma