Remember when we’d play Grosser than Gross as elementary kids, and our parents wouldn’t laugh? It wasn’t because “Grosser” wasn’t the funniest game ever invented. They didn’t laugh because the bar on what constituted gross had been raised SO HIGH, by US mind you, that nothing actually qualified as “gross”. And I’m not talking about poopy diapers people. Please. Not even after a lunch of peanut butter and peas.

I’m talking about Miss Sara playing her hand at Poopy Poker tonight, seeing her Daddy one “warning” that her diaper is now poopy, and raising him the secret removal of that diaper PRIOR to the pooping, and then attempting to actually HAND him the goods while he was cooking her dinner.
Only parents whom have been through potty training would celebrate this step in the right direction. Why, you ask? Because you move from the notification, to the diaper removal, to actually a forewarning. Disgusting progress is progress nonetheless.

After some clean up, Sara decided rather than chop the broccoli before steaming it, she would declare her Vegan status (again), and eat the raw broccoli. How cute! We must take a picture. And the story, and this entry, would have ended there, had Sara not then chased the cat out onto the back porch with the broccoli, proceeded to choke (minor choking, folks, not all out choking), and throw it all up. Watching Sydney watch her was true entertainment. I swear, if that cat could talk she would be saying, “Seriously people, are you SERIOUS? I’ve lost all status, aforementioned benefits, loving, cuddling, etc, to a creature who throws up raw broccoli? Is this your idea of civilized?” To which my reply would have to be, “Syd, you throw up your own hair, and this is a picture of you relaxing IN a paper bag. Get into the evolutionary line, my dear”.

Finally we end with the bedtime routine. I’ve heard adorable stories of children drifting off to slumber: Aunt Amanda’s little fist used to uncurl. Some children start to breathe deeper. Sara farts. That’s right. When she relaxes from WIDE AWAKE to drowsy, she farts. And I’ll just say she gets that from her Daddy. His family will agree. ‘Nuff said.

And that concludes this evening’s episode of “Grosser Than Gross: Things you never envisioned about parenthood”. Aren’t you glad blogs don’t include Scratch ‘n Sniffs?