Some lessons “The Squirts” have been teaching the Momma:

1. The amount of time it takes to get out of the house is in inverse proportion to the amount of time I have to get out of the house.
   
2. Always clean at the toddler’s line of sight.
3. Poopy diapers happen AFTER you have zipped up the winter coat. The diaper fails to hold the poo if, and only if, you are running late.
4. Never touch a sleeping baby. Assume they are breathing and WALK E-WAY.
5. If a potty training toddler tells you she pee-pee’d on the “tarpet…right dere”, just grab a towel and take her word for it. Resist the urge to initially feel for wetness. It’s wet, I promise.
6. The more time you spend cooking, the less your child will eat.
7. When the baby has a cold and you go to the pediatrician…and he’s starts talking about “obligate nose breathing”….let me translate: it means YOU GONNA BE UP ALL NIGHT….
8. If you want to hang out in a clean house, go over to my Mom’s.
9. Baby Einstein is secretly brainwashing our kids. I don’t know for what purpose, but when I figure it out, I’ll let you know.
10. They look sweet, but they are secretly plotting against me. I’ve got my eye on these girls.