Your father begins sentences when he knows he is wrong with….”You see, so here’s the thing…”

So here’s the thing about your hair Sara: it’s a bit of a mess. A bit of a hurricane/disheveled/limp rag…mess.

I’d take the blame, but it is only partially my fault. I have thick, coarse, dark hair. Your Daddy has thick coarse brownish-blonde hair. We both have messy wavy hair. Somehow, our genes got into a “Reservoir Dogs”-Quentin Tarantino style battle, and our hair DNA killed each other. Your hair is the monument to that battlefield. Thin, stick straight, slick like spit…and honestly, quite lifeless.

This conundrum may very well change over the next few years, so I worry about it none. I do enjoy watching Miss Katie try to curl it every time we “go to the salon” as you call it. She pulls out every hairstyling tool and eventually just gives up. The only way we’ll get a curl or flip in your hair is to stick a wig on you.

We started out WAY behind the eight ball, and that was my fault. Like all new Moms, I thought it was law that I take you to Cookie Cutters and/or Clubhouse Cuts for Kids. What I didn’t know is that it is actually against their company policy for their stylists to have attended any kind of training. By your 18th month birthday, you had seven different length of bangs. I’d grow them out, but you rip out hair gadgets like they alone are causing the spiral in gas prices.  And you are PROTESTING BIG TIME.

To fix this problem, I took you to Great Clips. Several times in my life, I’ve gone to Great Clips. Your Daddy goes to Great Clips. I have absolutely zero GC complaints. What they lack in zippy style they make up for in accuracy. I figured, at the very least, they could find your bangs. Wrongo baby. WRONGO. Our sit-ee-ation actually got worse.

So I did the unthinkable; I took a 2 year old to an Aveda Salon. Girl, what I lack in pigment, I make up in FABULOUS hair. I won’t lie honey…your Momma got some sweet hair. I would never even imagine doing my own hair. It’s downright unladylike. It’s not Southern. It’s not right. Someday I’ll tell you the story of Amie trying to dye her own hair, getting into a long phone conversation, and the two of us rushing to Meijer at 11 pm on a Tuesday night to attempt to fix what we called, “The Tangerine Tragedy”. Orange hair only works on Annie honey.

Turns out, Aveda Salon kid’s pricing is insignificantly more expensive that Cookie Cutters. HAD I ONLY KNOWN. Miss Katie could have been cutting your hair from the beginning of your hair odyssey. We are slowly adjusting your style to allow the 1980’s bangs to grow out, while leaving your hair in a shorter bob because of the thinness. Should your hair never thicken up…word of advice: thin hair doesn’t look thicker just because you grow it longer.

So when you are 17, looking back at your toddler pictures, and wondering “why you hair all over da place”…know that your Mommy tried. Tried with all her might to have her first daughter have Shirley Temple-fabu hair. But my sweetness (as your Grandma Sally calls you)…your hair is challenging. And Kelly is mostly bald with blonde-blonde-blonde sticking straight off her head. I have NO IDEA WHERE THIS HAIR CAME FROM on you two, BUT IT IS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND GOD…JUST SO YOU KNOW.