For the past month, I’ve been RUNNING.  Like an energizer bunny, re-enacting “Oh the Places You’ll Go”.  I’ve also been very, very tired.  Turns out the parasite joke was reality, only caught by the Daddee and me, and we finally sought treatment.  Goodbye donuts and Big Macs.  Apparently I was just visiting my old wardrobe.  The rumors are totally true ladies: need to lose weight fast?  Get a parasite.  14 lbs in 6 weeks.  Step aside Slimfast, I’ve eaten some bad sushi.

So this morning I decided, now that I feel so very good, to hang.  It’s raining.  I don’t feel lazy.  I just don’t want to RUN to anyplace, for anything.   I looked down at our breakfast I cobbled together, and we were eating fresh blueberries, bacon and eggs I bought at a nearby farm, and some Who bread I made last night (Wheat-Honey-Oatmeal….thank you Soulemama) covered in honey I bought from a nearby beekeeper.  For the first time in my life (other than the time I decided to get a life), I realized I didn’t Project Manage us to this place.  My friends have all gone organic.  My father is undefinable in his belief system, so I’ll simply say he’s progressive enough that he started protesting the treatment of chickens in the 70’s.  PRO-GRESS-IVE.  My Dad’s Soulmate, Kathy, is a brillliant woman who manages a health food store and very well may be Mother Earth.  Unless you know a lot of people who grab weeds in their yard and proclaim, “this weed has a purpose!”  Rather than study it, make lists, search wildly for recipes…I started to move in that direction in a slow, meandering kind of way.  I have miles to go, but I’m very happy to be here, and grateful for the family and friends who have shared their knowledge.

What struck me as odd, as a woman who loves nothing more than to cook, was that my house did not smell like eggs and bacon and honey.  And then it hit me: freshly bought food is no different than good seafood.  Fresh seafood has no odor.  NONE.  Fresh blueberries don’t stain.  Fresh bacon doesn’t have a ton of grease.  Fresh honey is unreal.  It’s almost got an oak-like aftertaste and glistens like gold.  I don’t know what I’ll do next with all this knowledge, but you will probably find me at the butcher later this afternoon.  I see hormone free top round in our future. Because even if I dabble in “organic”, I’m a carnivore people.  I’m the reason there are restaurants dedicated entirely to RIBS.

I turned OFF the cartoons, and ON the music.  A very Peter Townsend, “Let my love open the door” kind of dance party ensued.  We built an entire farm with our blocks.  Sara even created a tractor large enough to haul all the livestock.  I called it the Tractor Train.  We kind of rolled around in our pjs, doing not much of anything….that I PLANNED.  The spirit of Ingrid Michaelson’s music carried us along in a way that made me cherish the minutes.  We took our umbrellas outside and splashed in the puddles.  Suddenly, it was 1978, and I was at the end of Shirley Lane, soaking wet from my addiction to the BIGGEST rain puddle God ever invented.  He was kind enough to place it at the end of my street on every single rainy day of my childhood (shout out to Roxanne who joined me on too many rainy adventures to count).

The house?  What a mess.  For the first time in my ENTIRE life, I didn’t care.  I didn’t wish away the minutes until naps when I could madly dash about, picking it all up.  Hoping that somehow, order and planning would quell the pointless anxiety within me.  For just one morning, I was what I would call, “in my Nantucket place”.  A time in my life when the days passed without meaning or achievement.  When I just existed in harmony with God and everything around me.

I realize now that my Grandma lived in this place every day of her life.  I really thought this month would peel years off my life, but instead, last week, I felt very old.  After taking a few antibiotics, eating much better, and finally getting rested from my rest, I feel a decade younger.   I feel a coolness settling inside of me.  I feel overwhelmed with joy that this the is the life I created after years of clueless wandering.  I feel that I got here because God loves me, and not because I plotted it out on a Gantt chart and set milestones on my dry erase board.  For once, I’m at peace with the randomness that is life.  It will not last, but this morning, it is mine.

So this morning, as I sit here in my destroyed house, needing a shower, ranks as my 4th Greatest Morning in my 3X (don’t make me say it) years of living.  The first was the morning I woke up after our wedding.  I woke up married to the man of my dreams, and it wasn’t just a dream.  The second and third (tied! important to say with daughters) were the mornings Sara and Kelly were born.  My girls are AWESOME.  And then today.  Purposeless, check off list-less, today.  Just maybe, my new chapter has finally begun.

I wish this feeling for every single one of you.  I wish you good health, delicious food, loving family, fun friends, and of course, good times, good times.  Always, thank you for sharing this journey with me.