I took this picture after finding this spider ring in my shoe.  Thank you young ladies for that lovely wake up call at 6 am as I slipped on my tennis shoes.  I thought it was funny and a great harbinger of fall until later that afternoon, as we stepped out onto the back porch, Sara screamed, “That spider is KILLING me!”

There, RIGHT THERE, on our screen, was the biggest BROWN RECLUSE SPIDER EVER.  EVER. To be fair, we talk A LOT in this state about the fabled brown recluse.  To actually see one?  Not so common.  I’ve probably googled “Brown Recluse” a million times, swearing up and down that I’ve seen one.  Now that I have…yep…it was easy to spot.  If I’d had a bow, I could have played that dark fiddle on its back.  Light brown, looks nothing like a standard brown spider, striped legs, a distinctive dark brown violin shape marking on its back.  It was much larger than I thought it’d be.  I guess it needs space to store ALL THAT VENOM.  Oh yeah, I forgot: it whispered, “HELLO LORRRRIIII.  I’m a BROWN RECLUSE AND I’LL HAUNT YOUR DREAMS FOREVER AND EVER.”  I grabbed the Raid and it got away!  UGH!!!!

Did I jump out of bed at 1 am, throwing off the covers, yelling that a spider was crawling across my leg?  MAYBE.  That’s it.  I’m calling an exterminator.  Then, after he sprays within an inch of my respiratory health, I’m selling the house.