As you’re sitting in the frigid, oh my God like all cellular activity has ceased to exist at these temperatures, cold…in your minivan, while Elmo blares from the backseat…and I don’t know, maybe you’re wearing a toboggan, and MITTENS…sexy gigantic over-sized what the hell was I thinking when I bought these…MITTENS…you MIGHT, just MAYBE, realize you’ve lost any romantic notions you had about quaint family life and the simple concept that it would somehow COMPLETE YOU.

Just maybe.  Although, even if I ix-nay’d the bitching and moaning, I somehow doubt a pair of leather driving gloves would make me feel young and sexy.  Perhaps if I put on some makeup and wore a pair of pants that couldn’t stand on their own…