I noticed over the holidays how desperate food companies have become to be labeled a “health food”.  Nearly as desperate as cleaning product marketers are to be labeled as “green”.  But, you have to give them credit in seeking the spin:  tostitos cheese has 0 trans fat (unless of course you deep fry it).  Aunt Millie’s whole wheat dinner rolls has NO high fructose corn syrup.  Too bad.  Some concentrated sugar syrup might make these downright delicious.

You gotta feel bad for the “no hope” products out there.  To be of use, I’ve got some suggestions for the products that are killing us, one serving size at a time.  Crisco Fat: NO MSG.  Doritos: NO Nicotine.  Coca-Cola: NO Weapons of Mass Destruction.  And of course, my favorite health food of all time, Dunkin’ Donuts: NO Lead.  Just some suggestions.  Oh yeah, and change all of your labels to the color GREEN.  It’s working for Windex, Fantastic, Soft Scrub….. “Look our bottles are GREEN!  Same formula.  Same price.  Same chances that with decades of use it will give you cancer.  But at least we are politically correct in color.”