I didn’t set out to find positive signs that America would come out of this Recession in one piece. I know I suffer from incurable positivity, but honestly, this time, I wasn’t attempting to Pollyanna Sunshine anything. I simply brought in the paper, and there it was….Page 1, Lead Story: Potholes. Listen, I know it’s Indiana Law that every paper in the state lead at least one day each year with a story about our winter Potholes from Hell. Maybe even leading to hell, should they be that deep. Go to any diner in the Midwest starting in late January, and you’ll overhear this conversation:
“Man, I hit a pothole last week…that thing took off my muffler and cracked my axle. Now you now and I know, and hell, everybody knows…I don’t care how good your mechanic, you ain’t ever goin’ get that truck to run right after you cracked the axle. Forget it. The whole danged thing is ruined.”
“Tell me about it! Last year my Uncle was hauling hogs right down there on County Road 800 East Southwest North, you know, down there by the train tracks where that teenager lost his legs back in the 60’s…and he felt a BUMP. He looked back and if that whole load of hogs wasn’t GONE. I mean GONE. The trailer, the hogs, he even lost the hitch. Never got even one of them back.”
“I don’t care what ANYONE says. If you lose that hitch, you can go to every junkyard in this whole County, you ain’t ever goin’ to get that hitch to sit right and haul straight again. The whole danged thing is ruined.”
But here’s my point: “The World is Ending and 5 Billion Additional Lay-Offs Occurring Today”, wasn’t the headline. It’s been hard to read the paper lately. Just too depressing. I praise the day we have nothing to talk about but the Potholes That Eat Cars and Small Farm Animals.
THEN, in the REAL news section (Lifestyle and Entertainment), I learned that Indiana FINALLY got a Miss America. 88 years of runners up (because Hoosier girls are beautiful and everyone knows this)…but NOT ONE FREAKIN’ CROWN PEOPLE. Apparently she kicked some literal butt in the swimsuit competition and sang a lovely version of Via Delarosa. So there you have it, the winning formula: wear a killer bikini and sing a song about the final walk of Jesus Christ our Lord, and you get to be Miss America. Why do other cultures find us so perplexing? Hmmm….
So if you are looking for signs that the Recession isn’t winning, there you have it: potholes, bikinis, and a girl sang about a crown of thorns and won a crown of rhinestones. Sorry, it’s all I’ve got…
One response to “Signs”
I saw Miss Indiana win. I kept thinking, wow, she’s really cute. She could win! She was very lovely, relaxed and poised. She was smokin’ hot in her bikini, but I give her evening wear two thumbs down. Some table cloth looking lace number. Not my thing. It was a delightful distraction. I’m with you. I’ll take potholes and tiaras over death, destruction and the debate of whether this is the new great depression.