This is Ernie, Kelly’s great love.  The Easter Bunny dropped him off, and was kind enough to leave only a small puppet version of Ernie and not some over-sized ridicu-Ernie who plays an instrument.  It’s as if the Easter Bunny KNOWS me.

Before Puppet Ernie arrived, Kelly had been carrying around a sad and faded little Ernie magnet.  She took that magnet everywhere, cooing love babbles to her “Ernie Ernie”.  When she pulled Puppet Ernie from her Easter Basket, she THREW him to the floor and screamed, “NO!  NO ERNIE!”  Wow.  I had not prepared myself for this reaction.  Perhaps they had broken up?  At Toddler Prom?  I didn’t get the memo.  My TPS report had no cover sheet.  E! didn’t post this story online.  People magazine let me down.

She then immediately picked him up, hugged him, and said, “Oh Ernie, I wuv you.”  She repeated the throw down/pick up several times that day, and he hasn’t left her side since.  Oh God, I thought; this does not bode well for her dating years.  Either she will be psycho-Wayne’s World-Stacy, or she’ll be a serial breaker-upper.  Talk about things you never knew you could pass on in your genes….what?  You thought I got into my early 30’s single because I was GOOD at dating?  Riiiiight.

Ernie went missing a few weeks ago.  Oh heaven’s, the DRAMA.  Every night she stood at her crib crying, “ERNIE!  Where ARE you?  Are you sick?  Do you need med-cine?”  We turned the house upside down and decided to buy a new one.  10 bucks for that 8 inch toy!  Seriously!  Before we headed to the store,  I called my Mom and asked if there was any chance he had traveled 65 miles north and landed at her house.

Grandma Sally: That little Elmo-Ernie thingy?  He’s here.  He’s at the bottom of some toy, but he’s here.  Why?  Do you need him?

Um…yeah.  Kinda.  Although, I’m not allowed to get sassy with her for the remainder of the summer because my Blue Lake Bush beans are like 700 FEET HIGH right now and her’s drown in the rain.  Which is what she gets for standing in all that mud, chiding me for not getting my garden in early enough.  Also, if I get sassy, I’ll die young.  Book of Matthew…look it up man.

Upon retrieving Ernie….and when I say “retrieve”, Sara walked right to the toy where he was buried, pulled him out and said…”I knew where he was hiding this whole time”….followed by me giving her an expression that said, “WHEN do you leave for college, oh helpful one?”…Kelly grabbed him, again, screamed, “ERNIE!  NO!  I DON’T WANT YOU!”, and THREW HIM TO THE FLOOR.  Only to pick him up moments later and woefully say, “Ernie Ernie, where have you been?”

Kelly has been an insanely easy child.  Everyone knows this.  But life is fair.  Who wants to lay bets that I spend a good portion of her teen years hearing about breaky-heart boyfriends, and that the Kel-Belle cries at every Homecoming she ever attends because some silly boy never asked her to dance, not even the ONE time, and oh seriously shoot me now.  Kelly could flirt with a lightpole and has broken up with Ernie 4x today already…I see trouble ahead.