Sorry for my absence, but there has so much coming and going….like WOW.  Disney World couldn’t compete with our house this season.  I must be the only person on earth who can host 17 different guests at different times over a two week interval and be disappointed that the ride has come to an end.  When Lydia packed up her car this morning and headed back to Penn State, I was instantly blue that the holidays are over.  Sara must be in the same boat, because tonight she asked us if there is a Valentine’s Santa.  I have so many great stories to recount and pictures to share….all in good time.

For now, I’m happy to be quietly ringing in the New Year, just the four of us.  I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions, but this year my resolution has been forefront in my mind for a few months: I want the theme of 2010 to be “Together”.  Speaking from my heart, it represents the evolution of us.  Greg and I started this journey very “together”.  So much so, that when Sara was born, we tried to both get up with her at night.  Her sleeping problems were so all-consuming that by Month 5, every awakening required both of us, just to figure out how to soothe her.  In our efforts to stand united, we cracked; right down the middle into a puddle of exhaustion. 

Not being people who give up easily, we regrouped and decided to divide and conquer.  Greg went out to kill the food and I stayed home to protect the hearth.  It made perfect sense at the time…good strategy team!  Now GO! Suddenly “together” became a distant memory, and our family started to function as two single parents, parenting “together”.  I say this honestly and without embarrassment, because I’ve watched many of my friends take the same strategy.  You take the kids, I’ll do the grocery run.  Now you take the kids, and I’ll attempt to get one haircut this year.  You give the baths, I’ll wash the dishes.  GOOOOO!  Let’s get as much done as we can before we DIE FROM THE TIRED COATED TIRED THAT WILL BE FOLLOWED BY MORE TIRED. What’s the weather report today dear?  Foggy tired that will lift to reveal it is raining tired.  Oh good, more of the same then.

On Friday nights we’d reconvene at Sam’s Club over hot dogs and sodas, and for that brief moment, the four of us were “together”.  There were many other together times too, but by and large, we seemed stuck in some kind of weird firefighting survival mode.  It never seemed to be a perfect fit, but from day to day the laundry got done and the house didn’t fall down, so we assumed we were on the right track.

We’ve stayed in this position for what has seemed an eternity, until gently, without fanfare, it seemed to end, only a few months ago.  Greg’s working from home moved from an uneven pace to a more predictable rhythm.  When Sara has her bad nights, we have the energy to talk to her…together.  When Kelly won’t drink her milk, we confront her…together.  Sometimes we just hang out by the tub while the girls are playing and splashing…together.  Discord gave way to peace.  Perfection gave way to graciousness.

I feel there is a life to our living this winter.  I hear folks complaining about the dark gray winter skies, and yet, I’m finding them to be oddly inspiring.  They remind me of cold winters spent with my grandparents, dressing up for their VFW Christmas parties so Grandma and Aunt Dorothy could show my sister and I off in our new coats and hats.  Honestly, the dark Midwestern winters have never bothered me.  There is a hardiness in the people that thrive in northern climates, and the cold wind only serves to remind us that we are indeed tough-minded, kind-hearted Hoosiers.  There must be something about growing up 20 miles from the nearest corner store that turns us into resourceful people.  But as a downside, we tend to put up with things that aren’t working for much longer than we should, especially when we aren’t quite sure what needs a-changin’.

It would be inaccurate to say this evolution has been natural.  I would say it involved communication followed by more communication, until all 4 of us wanted to yell, “Stop the talking!  So much of the talking!”  It has taken more than a few laughs to break the silence in times when solutions were hard to find.  But at whatever cost, this new rhythm seems to fit us.  The house is certainly messier.  Less is getting done.  But I am no longer wishing away the days, waiting for the kids to be older, for the finances to be sturdier, for the sun to be sunnier.  And the only tangible things I can swear we truly changed are simply spending more time together and letting go of the little things (like REALLY let go to the point Greg may miss a little of my old perfectionist ways!).  I am back in the now, where we belong…and where I hope to see you in the coming year.  These small changes in our family aren’t a finish line.  This post is only meant to be a road marker so I can look back in 5 years and can say, “Hey, remember that time we decided to slow down and laugh a little more?  THAT was a good idea.”

As 2009 draws to close, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this space with me.  It has been an interesting journey, and your company and comments have been a light unto my path.  Godspeed and God Bless as you celebrate what I’m hoping will be an awesome year for all of us.