Dear Sara, aka The Duck Who Wiggles,

You turned 5, and that has been so monumental to you that every day since, you awaken, run to my side and say, “I can’t believe I get to be 5 again today.” This afternoon, in a moment of near meltdown, you said, “No, I am FIVE.  I am NOT GOING TO DO THIS NOW.” I wanted to jump up and down, do the hokey pokey and buy you new shoes, but that would have sent the wrong message, so I just said, “Good choice Sara…well played.”  But in my head, you should know, that moment was shoe-worthy.  I choose shoes because last week as we walked into the shoe store you exclaimed, “Shoes are better than ice cream!”  That expression showed up about a decade earlier than I expected, but a few days after Kelly said, “DAMNIT! I think I’m going to blow my head off!”, and I realized it’s possible neither of you have any idea what you are saying.  To clarify for our readers: first, I forgot how very PG-13 the movie “Uncle Buck” is, and because your tiny sister saw 10 minutes of it, she is now a miniature John Candy.  It’s not as cute as it sounds.  Second, she overheard me reading Junie B. Jones saying, “If you keep a secret, your head will explode”, and she translated that to, “I’m going to blow my head off”; because I momentarily lost the ability to dead pan expression her latest and greatest outburst, she now knows how shocking that phrase is…meaning, she is saying it every 2 minutes, along with the word “POOPY! POOOOPPPY!”.  Knowing she’s not allowed to use bathroom words outside of the bathroom, I often hear her giggling under her breath and saying her modified version, “Poi Poi”.   Damn you John Hughes and your funny movies. But I digress. 

Wearing your goggles at all times, in case a pool magically appears out of thin air

I hesitate to catalog too many stories for you, after I came to the realization that you will now remember them on your own.  We are in uncharted waters, as someday we are sure to sit in dispute over how you remember the day you learned to swim, and how I told the story.  So just to get the facts straight, it was our last night of vacation.  You were very ready to swim and had been steadily making progress in the pool all week.  With the pool lights on and Uncle Randy in the water helping you, you swam back and forth the entire length of the pool with no assistance several times.  Your entire family stood at the side of the pool cheering with wild abandon. It was possibly one of my Top 5 Favorite Parenthood Moments.  Now I know…

We’ve transitioned from me protecting you, to me teaching you how to protect yourself.

Uncle Randy giving you a swimming? lesson while wearing a pool noodle turban…standard stuff

I’m finding this phase quite freeing.  My anxiety about you has been cut in half this summer.  If a kid runs into you on a playground, your expression alone would burn a hole in the nearest flammable object.  And if he or she doesn’t apologize?  Step aside, you are about to get a Sara lecture on MANNERS my rowdy friend.  If you fall in a pool, you swim.  If you fall off your bike, you don’t implode.  If you are out of my sight for a second, I don’t implode.  We are living this life together as a cohesive team, and less in a dependent orbit.

That being said, you crossed an imaginary and yet absolutely gigantic boundary yesterday: you started Kindergarten.  I can’t wait for you to describe it to me someday, because honestly, for me, it was a bit of a denouement.  I got the family up at an ungodly hour, made you bacon and eggs and yogurt and OJ and fruit…how on earth you guys ate that food at 6:30 am is beyond me.  Then we drove to school, and traipsed into your room, where it was clear…YOU WANTED US TO GO.  You took one look at your name at your VERY OWN SEAT, and forgot you even had parents.  The teacher gave you a name tag and asked you to trace your name, and in disbelief you looked at me and said, “TRACE?!  I’m GOOD at tracing!” Of course you are!  Did you expect a World Geography Quiz Day 1?  You would have passed by the way.  Had they asked if you the Outer Banks was near or far in relation to Indiana, you would have correctly answered, it is 9 and a half movies, an entire craft tower, 3 meals, 4 snacks, 3 juice boxes, and 100 bathroom stops away.  So…you know, less near, more far.

Modeling your coordinating backpack, lunchbox and water bottle, all chosen by you, Miss Fashion Forward

Daddy asked me what I had expected on Day 1 of Kindergarten, and I was ready with my list: circus clowns, balloons, foam peanut showers being blown out of cannons, tiny mice wearing tu tus and playing kazoos, and a bag of gummy bears.  HELLO?!  I GOT A CHILD ALL THE WAY TO KINDERGARTEN!  Do I get a DEGREE OR SOMETHING?!  Because come on World, I have EARNED it.  You, appropriately, were thrilled with your own seat, a name tag, and the unbelievable-to-you excitement of packing your lunch every day.  Daddy said I tried too hard and nerded up your lunch.  I think fruit, veggie, and cheese shish-kabobs and a PB & J cut into the shape of a flower is perfectly fine, but don’t let the chef of the family judge.  NO, let Daddy decide what is kosher, a man who will eat food BEFORE checking the expiration date.

In case you don’t remember, you spent your 5th birthday on vacation at the beach.  We got up very early and took a walk on the beach, just the 4 of us.  You then swam in the pool for about 28 hours, only getting out to inhale your favorite meal of red beans and rice with cornbread.  You were thrilled with your little grocery store cake, proving once again, my wacky parties are my own psychosis playing out for your childhood pleasure.  You were ecstatic to get a Groovy Girl Doll and Puzzle from Pa Pa Bump.  I think any day you spend in water makes it the best day ever, my little duck.

Uncle Randy stops Kelly from blowing out your candles

You are so less at odds with the world, my beautiful girl.  You seem determined to interact with your space, as opposed to being afraid of it.  You lead your sister in a boldness I never thought possible.  This afternoon as we cuddled after your first full day of school, I looked down at your closed eyes and saw the tiny baby girl I held in the same spot 5 years ago.  Your face and expressions are wholly unchanged, but the funny looks you give us are all that is left of our cranky baby.  Everything else has blossomed into a gorgeous kid who is ready to make a place for herself in this world.

Your favorite place to be

Your first 5 years changed everything for Daddy and me, and we are in awe that God entrusted us with you.  Moving forward, it will be more of “Sara and Mommy” recording your story, and perhaps less of  “just Mommy”.  Oh honey, now that sounds delicious.  I’ve had fun on my own, but with you riding sidecar?  This is journal is about to get SPICY (your favorite way of expressing “flavorful”).

Happy 5th Birthday Big Kid Sara.  Daddy and I love you more than words can express.  Just look at my daisy shaped sandwiches and you’ll know…not too mention tomorrow you’re getting red beans and rice…SCORE for originality…

More love than my heart can bear,

Mommy