A Special Note to my Roomie Mentioned in this post: this gives you an idea the size of flower I’m capable of growing, proving yours came from Whole Foods!

I’ve debated over and over in my mind whether or not I’d ever write this post, but Friday was just too rich.  It’s as if the Universe wants me to write it, almost TAUNTING me.  I’m such a sucker for the double dog dare.

Twice in the past month I’ve been asked by well-meaning, loving folks…which is to say, people I truly LIKE: “Lori, with all due respect, WHAT do you DO all day?  I know you’re staying at home, but what are you DOING?” I will agree that if you think about a working woman’s life, and add family life, it would seem that sum would be more work than just staying at home.  I guess it’s a huge secret that being a stay at home Mom (abbreviated SAHM), is actually a job.  A real one.  There are bosses.  There are performance reports. There is even a paycheck, albeit in a non-monetary form…but I’ll get to that later.  SO back to Friday, a day so packed with juicy fruit flavor, I have to show the world…WHAT I DO ALL DAY:

A pretty average week in my calendar.

6:15: Up…UP.  Get up Lori.  Heading to the gym after drop off, so thank God, no need to shower. Just get into the gym clothes, the world’s messiest ponytail, and GO.  Get the breakfast and Sara’s lunch started.  She has begged for pizza bites (I’m out) or hot shrimp all week.  It’s Friday…let’s splurge and make that shrimp.  She’s refusing to eat bologna, PB&J’s, cheese sticks, or mac n cheese…so really, it will be shrimp or air, as that is all that is left in the freezer.

6:30: Get the girls up.  Not as easy as it sounds, but if you have kids, you understand this process.  It can make or derail an entire morning: proceed carefully.

6:55 am: Start the getting dressed parade.  It’s kind of like watching 20 clowns get out a car…very chaotic, limbs flying about, no one looks too happy.  Stay positive, because socks and shoes are worse.  Note to self: Sara has been trying to sneak out with one black sock and one pink sock on her feet all week…

7:10 am: Everyone in the car.  Sara’s Lorikeet Project, all 3 parts? Check.  Kelly’s backpack? Check.  Coats? Check.  Water and iPod for the gym? Check. Sara’s backpack? Check.  Sara’s lunch? Check.  Kelly’s mandatory sweater? Check.  Worksheets for the car ride? Check. Coming home after gym to shower, so 2nd load of “stuff needed for the afternoon” will be loaded later.  Grab a hot tea because I can’t currently drink coffee.  Shall look forward to peeing all day. Yeah rah tea.

7:30 am: Mom calls cell phone on the way to school to tell me the sky is falling.  Or the world is ending?  I tell Henny Penny I’m stuck in morning traffic, will have to call her back later.

7:40 am: Receive text from college Roomie: she has been admitted to the heart hospital after a week of chest pain and 2 trips to the doctor.  The hospital is a scant 2 miles from the school..bonus, text back at a long stop light that I am on my way.

7:41 am: Receive text back: do not come.  Feeling silly for even being in the hospital.  Can’t eat or drink in case of tests…don’t come.

7:55 am: Get to school parking lot early, text back that I’ll leave the pizza and donuts in the car, and I’m on my way.

7:57 am: You stink…don’t come.

7:58 am: NO, I literally stink…haven’t showered, refusing to face wrath of other Roomies if I don’t check on you…promise I won’t facebook any of this drama…la, la, la…am turning off my phone.

8:00 am: Walk girls and their accoutrements into school.  So much trash stuffed into the side of the car door that every time I open the door, trash falls out all over the pavement.  No time to deal with this now…shove it all back in every single time I exit the car.

8:15 am: Walk into hospital, and don’t take this the wrong way, but seriously relieved to be helping someone other than my immediate family.  I love them, but some days I just need to love on a friend I’ve had for 20 years who has also loved me through thick and thin.  Surmise that Roomie is indeed not dying, text remaining college Roomies she looks good, will await results of tests.

9:00 am: Leave hospital after failing to talk nurses into letting me see her chart. Screw you HIPPA.  No time to hit the gym, but there is time to run home and get mandatory afternoon “stuff”.

9:45 am: Get home, take 3 minute shower…no time to wash hair, but hey, didn’t make it to the gym, so undies aren’t sweaty.  BONUS! Sara helped put the laundry away, and I can’t find my underwear anywhere.  Must find an outfit suitable for volunteering in the 3 year old classroom and performing the Daisy Scout initiation ceremony.  What?  ANYTHING!  JUST PUT ON ANYTHING!

10:15 am: Pack Kelly’s lunch, because I’m volunteering in her classroom over lunchtime.  Not her normal classroom hours, but helping out so the teachers can attend a meeting.  Not sure what she’ll eat out of lunchbox…put in one of everything. Daisy Scouts?  I will need the craft, the laminator, the hole punch, 4 rounds of ribbon, the paper cutter, the checkbook, toys for Kelly to play with during the ceremony, my new CPR and First Aid Certification papers, the markers.  Wait.  Where are the markers?  Still in the van from the trip, but I gathered them into a bag yesterday.  Sweet.

11:10 am: Arrive back at the school, take care of 12, 3 year olds (oh heavens…with help!  I’m not Mother Theresa).  Only one band-aid needed in 90 minutes.  Not bad, considering I think all 12 were trying to kill themselves the entire time.  Have had a 2nd tea, but really want a stiff drink.  And by “stiff drink” I mean a pumpkin spiced latte.  Life without coffee really stinks, but my stomach is so much better and finally healing from the Summer of Drama.  BONUS!

12:45 pm: Done at school, corral Kelly, just enough time to head to Whole Foods to grab Sara’s much wished for pizza bites and some flowers for the Roomie.  Alternatively fielding messages from 4 other college Roomies, all in agreement…we should take some flowers.  Hospital is between the school and Whole Foods..BONUS!  Buy 6 boxes of pizza bites because Whole Foods is hell and gone from my house, and I won’t be back up that way anytime soon. Grab a peach tea.  At this point, the tea is just running straight through me, but I’m awake and moving…secretly think about stealing a catheter from the clean supply room at the nurses station.  It could come in handy. Loving the gorgeous Gerbera Daisies I found at Whole Foods…perfect.  And they put them in a vase for me at no charge.  BONUS!  Kelly is missing her nap, so will need to be carried through out the store, and through most of the trip to the hospital.  Not bonus…that’s going to hurt tomorrow.

1:30 pm: Realize I forgot to eat lunch.  A-ha!  There are snacks left from last week’s trip to DC! Grab a granola bar and a bag of Sunchips.  Gourmet!  Pass a homeless person begging at a busy intersection.  Hand him the granola bar and $5.  Find another granola bar under the seat.  SEE?  God rewards good works!  Wondering if I can digest any of this without my probiotics and digestive enzymes.  Note to self: build a pharmacy somewhere in the car. And a salad bar.

1:45 pm: Drop flowers off and a note at the hospital.  Find out Roomie is doing well during her tests, and discover that if she’s fighting pneumonia, she shouldn’t race in a 5 K.  But congrats on getting her best race time WITH pneumonia. No dissecting aorta, no heart attack.  BONUS!

2:10 pm: Get to Daisy Ceremony 5 minutes early (so I thought..was actually late, but not great at checking my phone to catch the new set up time…not bonus, but street cred for trying my best). Realize the girls have splayed the markers all over the car, leap into the back, crawl around the floor of the minivan collecting markers and various tops while Kelly is still captive in her carseat, kicking me in the head.  No time to check for which have dried out…life goes on.  But the hair doesn’t…this escapade has pulled out all of my barrettes, precariously holding back my dirty curls…throw on my sunglasses as makeshift head band.  No prob…it’s my every day look anyway, no one will notice.  Set up craft, help assemble the 14 Kindergarten girls for their first meeting.  Good friend walks in with Kelly’s best friend and offers to watch them on the playground.  BONUS!  This day is going WELL!

2:30 pm: Here is what I can say about crafts with kids: LAMINATOR.  Turning paper into plastic never gets old.  For 5 year olds making bookmarks…it’s magical.

2:55 pm: Friend comes in for ceremony, and says, hey, don’t sweat, her husband got off work early and is watching the girls on the playground.  You are thrilled because he is an ENT Doc, and as of late, Kelly has made a career of sticking things up her nose.  Wow, talk about being in good hands…

3:00 pm: Read through script as I’m conducting ceremony, because I didn’t print it off in advance.  MISS.  Pin all 14 girls with their first Girl Scouting pin…choke up when I pin on Sara’s.  After all, her Dad is an Eagle Scout, along with her Grandfather, Uncle…it’s a long list. Realize at the end, I’ve been photographed by 14 sets of parents pinning their daughters with a sunglasses headband on my head…oh well…moving on…remembered to give the Leader checks from parents who have been catching me in the hallway handing me checks…forget to give her a check for Sara.  Miss.  Moving on…note to self….remember check on Monday.

3:30 pm: Snacks, clean up, remember to get the 6 boxes of pizza bites out of the school freezer, and haul the girls through 3 trips out to the car.  Sara is thrilled about the pizza bites.  She’ll only eat beans and cheese, and I won’t buy the versions full of preservatives…so with Whole Foods…everyone wins.

4:45 pm: Lots of traffic, takes an hour to get home.  Girls fall asleep at minute 50.  Ugh.

5:00 pm: Sara wakes up in the car (I sit in the doorway, going through mail, with the garage door closed, but the car doors open…let them sleep, I say). Kelly wakes up, carry her inside, where she is so tired, she falls asleep on top of me on the couch.  Sara is happy pushing a stroller around the garage…door still open…thrilled to close my eyes for a few minutes.

5:15 pm: Sara announces I didn’t wash out the yogurt dishes from breakfast.  Cats got into it and threw up.  Par for the course, clean up and moving on.

5:30 pm: Husband walks in very early from work.  BONUS!  Looks around at the piles and piles of bags that the car puked up onto my kitchen floor.  The thought of unpacking it all makes me cringe, but it is a must, because the clock starts over again in too few hours. Most of you have kids, so I don’t need to explain it to you, but if you don’t: having children in school with activities is like moving entirely out of your house every morning, and then moving back in every afternoon.  You drive into your garage, open the doors to the minivan, wait for the car to take a deep breath, and then watch it spew papers and what nots over every inch of horizontal counter space in your kitchen.  Papers from teachers, the PTA, homework, scraps that look like nothing but are EVERYTHING to the 5 year old who scribbled on them, artwork, important notices, and due dates…DUE NOW NOW NOW.  99% of my time isn’t spent cleaning the house.  It’s spent finding a place and a way to record the information, while desperately making enough room on the island to make the next meal.  I’m a SAHM…there are 3 each day…nearly 21 meals per week that process through my kitchen.  You could triple my ample counter space, and I would still need more room…for PAPER.

6:00 pm: If this were a school night, I would have already started dinner.  The nap would have never occurred…just no time.  I would have started working with Sara on sight words while I cooked.  After dinner, Sara and I would have done a math worksheet, baths and bed by 7:30 or 8:00, depending on levels of exhaustion, theirs and mine.  There would be laundry and dirty bathrooms, and dirty floors, and things to pack for the next day.  Lists.  Emails to return.  Volunteer activities to organize.  I am a Room Parent, a School Fundraiser Parent, and a Co-Chair of Staff Appreciation Week.  I am a Daisy Scout Co-Leader, shall I go on?

As luck would have it, it was Friday.  We hit up the Chinese Buffet…my favorite.  Get texts from Roomies that the flowers were perfect, Pleurisy Roomie is heading home, feeling much better, all is well with the 5 women I pledge my lifelong friendship to…God has been too good to us today. Home, kids to bed, grab a glass of wine, and throw on a sweatshirt.  I’ve now been moving for 14.5 hours, which hasn’t included washing dishes (which will need to happen), unpacking the bags from school, or picking up a single toy.  These things won’t wait long…the mess only gets deeper by the hour. I’m in my 3rd outfit of the day, which is now made up of sweat pants and a sweatshirt I bought Greg’s grandmother 7 years ago, and re-inherited when she moved to heaven.  As I fall down onto the couch around 9:00 pm (the 15 hour mark), ‘ole Green Eyes shoots me a glance.  Hey there hot woman wearing my grandmother’s sweatshirt…feeling sexy?  If by “sexy” you mean, do I feel like watching TiVo and stuffing my face with pita chips and Greek hummus…then YES, I AM.

And that’s my day.  Without 8 hours of sleep, this type of movement turns to sheer mayhem.  I’m paid every single day when I pick the girls up from school.  There is a look on their faces that no money could buy.  It’s as if their soul lights from within whenever they even sense I am near.  It’s worth every second I spend in that minivan, downing stale snacks, praying for more green lights.

I love my life.  I wouldn’t change a moment of this day.  I would, however, duplicate myself if given the chance.  And so now you know the secret of the SAHM…THIS is what we do all day.  We are never bored.

Reading a little poetry to the girls Friday night as I tucked them into bed.