See, now, um…here’s the thing: I really wasn’t going to do a birthday party “thing” this year.  Keep it small, keep it simple; maybe even outsource the whole joint party.  ENOUGH already, right?!  I started looking around at places to have the girls’ birthday, and nothing inspired me.  A year ago they asked to do an “Under the Sea” party, and even looking at water places…nothing, nada.  If I wanted to barely sprinkle 8 kids for an hour and a half and pay $300, not including refreshments and decor?  Really?  Because I can do that in my backyard for free.  And what is it with every single place having the “8 kid” limit, and additional kids are an added cost?  This is the Midwest!  Kids come out of the womb with 8 cousins as a standard rule.  We really try to keep our parties small because our house doesn’t accommodate the masses (I kind of learned that lesson the hard way)…but 8?  For 8 kids and $300 I could sew them all mermaid costumes and rent a submarine.  Highway robbery, I tell you!

PLUS, if you recall, I swore…SWORE, I’d never buy a Cricut.  I’ll borrow Cricuts, but I’m not purchasing a Cricut.  Too expensive.  Too tempting.  While I WAS NOT BUYING A CRICUT, and looking around for birthday locations, I ran across a brand new, 24″ Cricut Expression for $125 on Craig’s List, moments after it went up for sale.  Now that’s just plain dumb luck.  The 24″ Cricut is a $400 machine, not including cartridges, which I cannot afford, but my neighbor has in spades, and offered to loan me (those sewing lessons are guaranteed Jessica, I promise you).  So you see, I was meant to do the Under the Sea party, and I was meant to GO BIG.  I see a giant water slide, mermaid invitations, huge coral hanging from the ceilings, refreshments served in fish bowls…I found my comfort zone in seconds.  I was home.  Greg said he could actually hear my brain entering the Birthday Party Zone, and took cover immediately.  When the girls heard my ideas, they stopped complaining about their “at home parties” and made a mad dash for my paper file holder.

My first stab at using my Cricut

We pulled out every single piece of paper we own, because I WAS NOT BUYING MORE PAPER.  As you can see, I have a few sheets left over from trillions of other projects stretching back over the past 10 years; which Kelly has organized tirelessly and Cyrus has thrown asunder, day after day.  It keeps them both busy.  But then I got inspired by a few colors and I DID BUY MORE PAPER, and that’s shameful, which is all I can really say about that.

 

The Mermaid sitting on top of my color combination.

I can tell you the mermaid was more of a challenge.  My machine acted rather funky from moment I turned it on, and then it went from bad to worse.  I read forums, I scoured trouble shooting guides, I cried all over Greg, and I bemoaned buying an unregistered, no proof of sale Cricut from Craig’s List.  $125 wasted.  This mermaid was meant to be my inspiration, the wellspring from which all other ideas would flow.  After 48 hours of fretting and hand wringing and button pushing, I realized I hadn’t properly attached the power cord.  I felt too relieved to feel like an idiot, so I opened a cold beer and finished the mermaids.  As I gingerly used a tiny paintbrush to glue the pieces together (that bikini top is smaller than my pinky nail), I realized that I’m a 39 year old woman playing an extraordinarily expensive game of paper dolls.  So that’s a little bit embarrassing.

Moving on.  The conversation below is an entirely fictional, “has not yet occurred”, conversation between myself and my 2 best friends from high school.  I say “yet”, because once Lydia realizes I didn’t reserve the 5-star suite at Chuck E. Cheese, she’s going to have my head.  And as well she should, but after 25+ years of friendship, she knows my madness is not easily contained.

Lydia: What do you have against Chuck E. Cheese?

Me: Nothing!  THIS is my process.

Lydia: You do realize your “process” requires Valium.

Me: I don’t take Valium.

Lydia: You should.

Me: Stop knowing me so well.

Lydia: I’m conferencing in Hillary. (Calling Minnesota, where, and I could be wrong, I think it’s still snowing).  Hillary, her theme is “Under The Sea”.

Hillary: Oooh, fun.  Are you doing anything felted for the favors?

Lydia: Hillary!  You’re not helping!

Lori: Hillary, just remember who had your back the spring you decided to disassemble 100 dresses for the Emerald City Citizens in “The Wiz”, and then reattach the pieces in different combinations to make them spectacular.

Hillary: Lydia, she has a point.

Lydia: A point that is 21 years old.  And it was for the CHORUS, not even the main characters.

Hillary: Not all of us are lead singers.  Lori and I are COMEDIC actresses.  That takes timing Miss Bloody Mary.

Lori: To be fair, I cried every single time Lydia sang Bali Hai.

Hillary: I did too.

Lydia: I’m just suggesting that after such a trying year, maybe she should consider Chuck E. Cheese for once.

Hillary: You have clearly never been inside a Chuck E. Cheese.

Lydia: Cheers to that.

Lori: Cheers.  Can we just speed up the clock 30 years, retire to our little lake enclave somewhere in the south, and get fat eating fried foods together?  Parenting is too hard.

Hillary: Cheers to that my friend.

(Cheers and declarations of love all around.)

The girls are turning 6 and 4 this summer.  WHEN ON EARTH did that happen?  I realize these kinds of ridiculous parties are nearing their end, and honestly, looking back, it feels like it went by so quickly.  Wasn’t I just gluing tissue paper onto foam board, making gum drop mountain yesterday (Kelly’s 1st birthday party theme)?  Father Time is just going to have to cool his heels for a bit, because this girl still has ideas up her sleeve….(and tiny hot pink paper bras covering her dining room table)…