When Kelly pulls out her braid, it’s all snazzy and what-not. A girl with this hair this fine should have her own breading trays.

I’ve had a couple of colleagues from ma’ workin’ days contact me recently and ask to chit chat about what I call “Life After Lilly”.  After spending many years working for a very well-established company, it’s viewed as inconceivable that anyone would ever resign.  I used to feel the same way.  I was certain when I stepped out the door on my last day, ID badge turned over, a dozen roses from Greg in my hands, I would surely turn into a pillar of salt.  I tried hard not to look back.

Meeting and chatting with these lovely women has been a blessing to me.  Their questions were intuitive.  Their thoughts on working vs. not working were lucid and deeply considered.  And through these coffee dates, I realized that without a doubt, I made the right decision for me.  “To be home” was definitely meant to be a huge part of my life, even if I swear it was never in my life plan.  Ah, the best laid plans of mice and breadwinners…

Looking back over the blog, I’m thinking I’ve done my fair share of moaning and groaning about staying at home, and I still stand by this personal truth: it’s the hardest job I’ve ever had.  My “pro’s” may be self-evident through my stories, but in case anyone is wondering if becoming a Stay At Home Mom is in their life plan too, here is my list of pro’s:

(1) No more running around like a chicken with your head cut off on the weekends.  Grocery shopping?  It’s done.  Pieces and parts for the next school project?  Done.  Christmas shopping?  Done ages ago.  So WHAT DO YOU DO with the weekends?  We NEVER GET DRESSED, that’s what.  We just lay around like slobs, and around 4 pm on Saturday, we shower and dress and go out for pizza.  And maybe pie if we’re feeling cru-aaa-zeey.

(2) Laundry.  Sorry, that never goes away.  But the back up goes from 10 loads down to 3.  Most of the time.  It never becomes fun, because then I’m just selling you drugs, lies, and rock n’ roll my friends.  However, it does become manageable.

(3) The house.  It gets messier.  Face it, if you’re in it all day with kids, you just turned your house into a preschool, daycare, and Bouncer town, all at the same time.  It’s damn near insane.  But then, they go to school, and it gets better.  It’s harder to stay motivated about housework, because when you’re in it all day, you are very aware that cleaning is like shoveling in a blizzard.  But really, you only have yourself to blame, and that at least takes the edge off.  That, and a nice glass of wine.

(4) The “Days After”: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Birthday Parties, Christmas…cleaning up the chaos of a holiday becomes a gentle affair that can occur on Monday, or Tuesday, or whenever, but it doesn’t occur at 10 pm because “NOW!” is no longer in your vocabulary.  There is always tomorrow.

Kelly was so proud to make these “french fries” completely on her own.  They were actually made with zucchini…shhh.  Oh let me tell you now, the MESS we made.

(5) Evenings are no longer spent scrubbing toilets.  That can get done at 10 am. Or tomorrow (oops, I’m seeing a trend).

(6) I’m an old Italian woman who starts making dinner at 9 am.  My best friend likes to joke that if she hears me chopping vegetables over the phone anytime before noon, something has pissed me off.  That’s a fairly accurate statement.

(7) Having friends over is really fun, because it’s not hard to get- it- togetha’.  It won’t create a week of midnight cleaning sessions and errand running.  However, on the day of, you will still yell at your husband because he can’t read your mind. When you send him out for dessert and he brings back a breakfast pastry for a dinner party, your head will literally pop off.  I may have a data point on this one.

(8) Sex. It happens. ‘Nuff said.  Wait, while I’m on the subject, let me share some fantastic advice given to me from a very experienced Mom: “Girlfriend, if you can spend the whole day giving and giving to your children, but you can’t save enough energy to give your husband 15 minutes at the end of the day? Shame on you.  He works all day to make everyone’s dreams come true, so you’d better get real, and find those 15 minutes.”  Her perspective cleared up the “I’m so tired” debate raging in my head a few years ago.

(9) The school needs help with something.  Done.  Fun.  So great.  Always the best part of my day.

(10) No guilt.  OK, some guilt, but only ridiculously misplaced, totally imaginary guilt.  Not real guilt.  Except for the guilt trips you’ll lay on your kids for eating up every moment of your life with their whining and demanding.

(11) You know all those house projects you think you’d do if you JUST HAD MORE TIME?!  Those stay on the undone list.  SORRY!  Because when you have more time, you do other things with it.  You make time for what’s important, and it’s more likely going to be get that ass on the treadmill than repaint your bedroom.  Still, it’s all good, even if the hallway looks like the scuffed floor of a 100 year old gym.

(12) Your husband’s career?  He gets to have one.  And that is good, no matter what the feminist books try to shove down our throats.  It doesn’t matter WHO has the career, as long as someone has one, and the ship doesn’t go down from stress.  Sometimes 2 people can have them, and that’s great.  Not all families can make it work, and I got tired of trying to balance that math equation. Our Mothers worked hard to give us career possibilities, but the subtle message that came from their generation was, “You can do ANYTHING, except, stay at home, because that’s the 1 thing we fought hard not to do.”  So, wait?  I can do anything I want, or I…can’t?  I see it like this: our grandmothers could do just the 1 thing.  Our Mothers could do anything but the 1 thing.  Our generation gets to honestly choose, and that’s progress my friends.

(13) Do I miss the money?  No.  Do I miss trips to Disney?  No.  Do I miss fancy new clothes?  No, don’t need ’em.  Do I miss new cars?  No, my kids would destroy them anyway. Let me be clear though, if I had to work to pay the girls’ tuition, I would do it so fast it would make my head spin.  Their education trumps my dreams of finishing these living room curtains.

(14) What do I miss?  The business card, the title, and my ego.  And that’s the God’s honest truth, and some of the hardest truths about myself I’ve ever had to swallow.  I miss my office with my big windows, and feeling like I had made something of my life.  I contributed to science, and that meant the world to me.  And here’s another truth: that can never be taken away.  The knowledge I gained in the working world has been used over, and over, and over again.  It may be used again.  I just don’t know what the next year, or 2, or 10, will hold.  I can only do the best with my life based on what I know today.  And I know my family still needs me here, so here I remain.

(15) The Diet: I found I had time to think about what I was putting in my family’s mouth and my own. Big.  HUGE.  Those deep fried zucchini strips are proof that I’m still a Realist when it comes to our diet.  Purists?  Look away, look away!

(16) My Brain: has time to rest.  And think.  Or not think.  Rest…ah yes, blessed, peaceful rest.  Let me clarify: my mind, not my body, which is in constant motion from before sun up to well after sundown.  This job requires Olympic strength and stamina, no lie.  If you wonder where my creative ideas are coming from, it’s from the rested part of my brain that used to be busy staying on top of the madness that had become our lives.

(17) The wardrobe? To quote my best friend’s newest turn of phrase: SHUT THE FRONT DOOR, DOES IT EVER SUCK.  And don’t get me started on the backpack thing I call a purse, because it’s a travesty to all purses.  Wait…I’m being positive…deepest apologies.

I’m certain my friend who shared this recipe meant for us to bake them, but why do that when we can deep fry them?! Yum.  By the way, this gigantic mess?  We made it on a Wednesday night.  Wednesday, Friday, Monday…they are all the same to me.

(18) I’m the last face those critters see before they start their school day, and I’m the first face they see when it ends.  Take every paycheck and business card I’ve ever had, and I’ll trade it in a heartbeat for those moments every single day.  They are priceless.

(19) How often in life do you get to throw everything out the window and start over?  It’s scary as hell, but it’s also rather liberating

(20) Bottom line: I begged God for a good man and a family for too many years to count.  10 years ago I would have traded my world to have these people who create mounds of laundry and unconsciously create endless to-do lists for me.  Who am I not to come home and take care of them?  Who am I to say I had other plans?  God was clear with me on what he needed to me to do.  Who was I not to listen?  In the end, my heart told me which way to go.  If you are wondering on your future, I’m sure your heart will do the same.

Every list of needs for every family is different.  No one has 1 magic answer that solves everyone’s problems.  Anyone who tries to sell you on a total truth for women in the workplace vs. being at home is just trying to sell you something and/or justify their own choices.  It’s bullshit.  Be free of the rhetoric and make your own way.  Be free, my friends…be happy.