I just had to tell you about a parenting success, didn’t I? I went and tempted the Fates and they took great pleasure in kicking my arse yesterday. Well done Me.
I’m done alluding to what’s going on ’round here. I thought I’d tell you in some smart or insightful way. I’d be clever. I’d be brilliant. But every single day, I wake up in this challenging situation, and there is simply nothing elegant about it. Sara is going to repeat the 1st grade next year. For a million reasons. For one. Because it’s the clear answer staring us in the face. It is never easy having an August baby, no matter how long the list of ancillary circumstances.
I’m sure I will post on this issue in the coming months, but for now, I’d like to kindly ask you for a prayer for our little Duck. She’s a rolling fireball of the 5 stages of grief. Our day to day is a dreadful waiting for the next meltdown, followed by a calming when she returns to her normal gentle demeanor (if velvet had a sound, it would be Sara’s voice), and tells us she’s looking forward to next year. We always knew it would be a crap time, but nothing prepares you for the anger that comes from a tiny 6 year old who suddenly feels “stupid” (the Child Psychologist warned us this word would be central to her grief), and left behind.
Greg reminded me last night of how happy we are, despite our current state of muscling through. True, so true. My prayers seem to be focused on a long list that has “thank you, oh God thank you” on repeat. Blessings have rained on us these past few months, and I’m sure I’ll have much to say about those too. But even so, if you have a moment to drop a word or two to the big man, we would be in your debt.
(If you are a friend from our school or our community, please keep this information in your heart, but not on your lips. Understandably, Sara would prefer if her friends didn’t know about this plan until the end of the school year.)
13 responses to “Muscle Through”
Oh sweetie, I feel for you and for Sara! These kinds of decisions are the kinds that tie my stomach in knots. Sending you all good thoughts and hugs and confidence in your parenting. You rock.
Thank you so much M3. I hate to see our stories diverge into different grades. So with Kelly going into K and Sara in 1st, we’ll bookend Ree and Ro!
Years ago my mom struggled with a similiar decision…holding my brother back in 1st grade. It turned out just fine for him. He will be earning his masters degree in May. We are so proud of him!!
The two of you constantly remind me that “happy” is a decision. I really admire both of you. This IS the right thing – and will allow her to be so much more successful later. Hugs for all of you. xoxo
If you’re good at anything, you know it’s not easy. Good parents know that good parenting is the toughest thing in the world – you have to make what seem to be blind decisions that shape an already murky future. Take care – you go, girl!
I feel for you and have said, and will continue to say, many prayers for your family. This is a hard decision, but one you will look back on in years to come with confidence. You are incredible parents.
My son repeated 1st grade but they called it T1 at that time (early 90’s) He was devastated to have to stay back and he also said he was stupid and hated himself. There were a lot of reasons why he needed to repeat the grade but at that age it is so hard to explain to them. My son was a very social person and it occurred to me in a moment of exasperation of using that to my advantage. I told him look how many new friends he would make and he might be able to help someone who was new to the classroom find their way around since he was already use to the classroom. He didn’t warm up to the idea at first but then after repeated reminders from me for about a week, he started to get excited about it. My son is 24 now and to this day one of his best friends is someone he met when he repeated 1st grade.
It is hard being a parent, but it is something I wouldn’t trade for the world. Just take it one minute, one day, one week etc at a time and do what is best for your family no matter how many times the best changes. Will certainly keep your family in my prayers. Hang in there Lori it does get better I promise.
My heart aches for Sara. I believe she has amazing spirit though. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is the first to glean an amazing insight into why this is the path she must walk.
Know that Sara and HER family are permanently in my prayers and have been for years now. I have always described my son’s year in first grade as being the year we walked through hell. His frustration and emotional outbursts always seemed to be directed at me. When we passed the five day a week mark, I was convinced I wouldn’t make it through first grade. Hang in there Momma! This too shall pass. Know you are making the best decision for Sara today based on the information you have gathered since the day she arrived. Remember this school year is less than 1/6 of her life so far. Focus on everything she has accomplished in that short amount of time.
Jonathan was a freshman in high school when he first told me to never look back with regret concerning decisions I made in raising him to that point. He had already figured out on his own (before he was a parent) that his mom would research, ask, read everything, research, demand answers, research, try every tool, and yes basically do anything to help him through his struggles. During this middle of the night discussion (also the year he started coming to my room after bedtime for a heart to heart chat) he also thanked me for standing by him and guarding his back while going through hell backwards (first month of 7th grade). When Sara reaches Jonathan’s age, first grade will represent less than 2/25 of her life. At 25 years old, I know you will have Sara focused on her growth and what she was able to overcome. She is a delightful, funny little girl. Whatever comes from moment to moment seek the funny side and you will find Sara.
Mrs. Pre-K, We love you. All of us. You are such a huge part of our discovery and hope. “She’s left-handed, but it’s like her body doesn’t want to be.” And from there, the fog began to lift…
Our Angela has an August birthday and we too held her back in 1st grade. She went and no one in school mentioned she repeated or as they were older remembered that she repeated. It was the best decision we made and she did so much better with that year of growth. Now, grown, has a nursing degree, is a mother and works in the NICU. A good decision.
Our son was 5 in June and we waited for kindergarten till he was 6. He thought he was cool as a sophomore and able to drive ahead of his buddies.
In my prayers that all goes well with Sara.
our youngest (also an August birthday) repeated first grade, but in a new school . . . I think that helped with the transition, but I know you are in LOVE with your school, and I also know this will be the right decision for Sara!! Good choices are not always easy ones.
Just catching up on these…hang in there, Lori. You are undoubtedly making the right decision and your daughter and your family will benefit from it. Emma is a “summer baby” and we selfishly chose to have her be one of the oldest in the class (long story, they changed the cut-off dates and wanted to bump Emma up but we knew she wasn’t emotionally and socially ready). Plus, we just wanted to hang on to her a little longer; you know college and everything some day! Confidence is as important as anything they teach at Sycamore and Sara will gain so much confidence with this development. I truly believe that. You are such a great mother. Hugs.