Ensemble Addition #1: Necklace

I’m on Pinterest.  Because you HAVE to be on Pinterest.  Didn’t you know?  It’s the FB of the crafty/cooky/decoratey eye candy addicts. As with all new fads of the Information Age, it has been quite an education.  Allow me to elaborate:

(1) You should be doing many things to be skinny, EXCEPT eating any of the recipes shared on Pinterest.  Cheesy Chicken Lasagna, casseroles made with Doritoes, Caramel Turtle Cheesecake…these don’t pair well with the perpetual shots of women measuring their 15″ thighs, wearing work out clothes reminiscent of Olivia Newton John’s “Let Get Physical” video.

(2) If I had time to do any of the elaborate up-do’s, I’d have time TO WASH MY HAIR, negating the need for the up-do.

(3) If I could achieve even a fraction of the manicures, I’d quit my day job and become wildly successful in the “glittery safari themed nail painting business”.

Ensemble Addition #2: Shoes

(4) Apple Pie Breakfast is neither healthy, nor nutritious (as advertised), but I’m going to eat it anyway.

(5) Apparently there are many, many things I need to tell my daughters, husband, and imaginary sons.  Most come in the form of “Lists of 20”.  Always the 20 things I need to say or do, or make in my crock pot.  So, so many lists of 20.  20: it’s the new 10.

(6) The world thinks about redecorating imaginary dream houses as much as I do.  What a relief.

Ensemble Additions #3: Earrings and Bracelet

(7) Every party should have a rainbow theme (with this, I do not disagree).

(8) If you want to be cool, cook with quinoa. 90% of recipes call for “cream of” something, and I’m just not eating it.  Sorry Campbell’s.  The gelatinous concoctions known as the “cream of…” line give my taste buds PTSD.  I’m fairly certain every person born in the 70’s would agree.

(9) Venture into the “Everything” tab at your own risk.  Some days it’s just safer to view friend-posts only.  Pinterest should consider designating a “Freak Only” day.  The rest of us should be warned, mark that date on the calendar, turn off our computers, and do laundry.  Who has time for laundry?! I’m too busy LOOKING AT THINGS.

(10) And the reason for this post: Apparently, I need to think less in terms of “clothing”, and more in terms of “ENSEMBLES”.  Where is my coordinating belt, and bracelet, and purse, and funky, unexpected shoe pairing that undoubtedly should be an open-toe wedge sandal, and the obligatory drapey fabric-like thing that should be worn with rolled up cargo shorts, even if paired with a tank top, meaning I’ll be walking around in a non-shirt, short-shorts, AND A SCARF on a 90 degree day?  It’s OK if I get sweaty. I know some good up-do’s. Forget my heat exhaustion and inability to walk in the cruel shoes…check out my blue metallic nails.

Ensemble Addition #4: Bizarrely Unexpected Pin

Completely bored with my yoga pants, old tshirts and ponytails, I decided to ensemble.  It’s a full-time job. I had no idea.  I found the denim summer dress at consignment, brand new, and it fit perfectly.  Alas, it was boring.  But what if I added my favorite gold necklace?  Nope, still dull.  RED SHOES! (Also from consignment)…nice.  Refer back to Pinterest.  I’ll need a bracelet and snappy earrings.  How many trips to the consignment stores have I made at this point?  But what this dress really wanted was some kind of pin, and one that matched the Asian flair of the bracelet.  Obviously?  Sara, my stylist who is frighteningly better at matching things at 6 than I am at 40, told me I was perching dangerously on the territory of “too much red”.  I told her I’d ditch any dreams of a red belt.  Where does one find a red pin with an Asian flair?  One DOES NOT.  But one DOES TRY.  Thank you Etsy, you did your best.

“The Chinese Denim Ensemble”

In the end, I did what I enjoy most: I made the pin using an eighth of a yard of fabric, some circles cut from cardstock, and a flower found in the loose floral section of a craft store.  Most craft stores sell pin backings, but not one a time.  Great…now I’m going to have to make a crap-load of pins.  Am I going to Pin my own pin?  Of course I am.  Pinning an actual pin is far too deliciously ironic, wouldn’t you agree? You can follow me at Indiana Lori.  See you out in Visual Candy Land, but excuse me while I check on my Unfried/Refried Beans Top 20 Summer Slow Cooker Meals…