Lego Set assembled by Sara, without assistance, using the manual. It’s a Lego Miracle.
It’s the start of school, and my heart can’t help but wander over to the shoes I walked in this time last year. And the year before that. And the year before that. The years when really bright teachers and doctors had to tell us some really hard things. One of the biggest feats was to get out of my own way and let myself HEAR what they had to say. I’ve even had well-meaning friends stand in shock as I retold the tale and say, “How could they say those things to you? They shouldn’t haven’t said those things about your Sara!” I was floored. NOT saying ADHD, NOT saying Dyspraxia, NOT saying Dyscalculia, NOT saying grade retention might be a good option…won’t make them not true.
And my heart wanders to anyone who might be reading this today, about to face a similar discussion. Maybe the messenger won’t be a gifted communicator. Maybe you’ll want a second opinion. Maybe you’ll find the suggestions intolerable. Maybe the possible courses of treatment will scare you to your core. Maybe you’ll find yourself on a journey you didn’t bargain for. I wish for you the luck that we’ve had: a path lit by phenomenal professionals who had Sara’s best interests at the center of their plans. So many times I’ve been asked, “How did you know?” I didn’t, but I have a list of teachers, administrators, therapists, and doctors who did. And had the guts to look me in the eye and tell me what they saw in Sara. I can say with all certainty that when preparing for Special Needs battle, a Mother needs to know the difference between, “She’s having some trouble with math facts”, and “Dyscalculia means she cannot associate numbers to quantities and some people with this disorder never learn to add, count money, or tell time.” I cannot make the best decisions for Sara’s future with a gentle whitewashing of her truth. To that I’ve heard, “But there is a possibility she COULD learn to do all of those things. Those outcomes will just serve to scare you.” Scared me into action, my friends. With a laser-like focus on what lie ahead, I made decisions based on what she needed, not on what was easiest for me to digest.
I don’t like to give advice here; I like to simply share my take on my own experience. I figure my story is unique enough that it just might not translate. But I do know this one thing: whatever you do, if you find yourself sitting in the short chairs across from the people who have the gifts and gumption to teach our children, don’t shoot the messenger. HUG THE MESSENGER, if you can. You’ll need their help in the adventure that lies before you.
Sara took her Math Assessment this week. Sara has worked HER BUTT off with the world’s best Math Tutor, no joke, like sometimes I think she’s not real and is an angel sent from God, along with Sara’s Primary Teacher who just GETS her to her core (I wish you could meet her. She has the same teacher she had last year, and I swear on my life, I hear happy singing in my head whenever I see her..). The results are: Sara can add. Sara can subtract. Sara can tell time. Sara can count money. Her Math Tutor shook her head triumphantly and said, “Oh yeah, I knew she could.” Her Teacher teared up in joy, after having been our hand in hand partners through the most critical turn in this journey. The Director of our Lower School smiled so wide, I thought her cheeks would burst. Her Momma stood dumbfounded at this new reality. She then did some cartwheels in the privacy of her own home, followed by some sort of cheerleading jump circa 1984. Some dancing, a glass of wine…I’ll stop here. I’m boring you.
So I’m going to leave these words of advice that were given to me by a gifted communicator in my own life. Be brave, because:
THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE.
5 responses to “The Truth”
AMEN! Way to go, Sara! It takes such hard work to overcome so many hurdles! It makes me happy to read that she has such a great support team at school to work with her! And, of course, huge kuddos to mom and dad for all you’ve done as well. Really a team effort!
This, my friend, has given me goosebumps from head to toe. I have been honored to watch this miracle unfold right here on the blog. This is what HOPE is all about. You and Sara have brought so much hope. I thank you for being real with your story and promoting the notion of TRUTH when it comes to what we are dealing with in respect to our children’s difficulties. I was the messenger and had to tell some parents some pretty hard things about their children’s behavioral issues. But in that truth I always promoted the light and that by working together, being on the same page, we would get to the light faster than if we did not join hands. I love this section here and will remember this:
“if you find yourself sitting in the short chairs across from the people who have the gifts and gumption to teach our children, don’t shoot the messenger. HUG THE MESSENGER, if you can. You’ll need their help in the adventure that lies before you.”
Thank you, my wise and huge-hearted friend. You write LIFE in words that take my breath away.
Rachel,
You are so sweet to say so. I wrote this post really as a thank you to Sara’s “entourage”, and for any teacher who has to be the messenger, year after year. It takes such courage. Parents don’t realize the gravity of the task that lies before teachers, or at least, I didn’t. I thought about you as a Special Needs Teacher for all those years when I wrote this. That’s “messaging” on a whole different level! Godspeed my friend! Hugs.
Congratulations to you all. Knowing Sara can do math is one thing – but knowing Sara can do math at our school is almost totally on a different level. Our school can be pretty competitive (in a healthy way) and the fact that you all have hung in there and made it happen is a huge accomplishment. You are all an inspiration.
Stephanie,
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, but I should clarify: Sara is not doing “our school’s” math. She is doing regular old grade level math. With all of her challenges, achieving THAT kind of math would have stressed her to the max. The school has let us bring in a tutor, and she does sit in math class with her peers, but she is just at grade level. If it gets too hard, we’ll have to move her, unfortunately. We’re hoping for the best.