I both published and removed this post this week, in the hopes a journal for the parents of Gifted kids would want it.  Um…they didn’t.  Their response was both swift and harsh, resulting from a discrepancy on their submission page which indicates parenting articles should NOT include research.  So I didn’t.  But they wanted it, and well…as you can see, it’s not here.  The publishing world is not for the thin-skinned.  Putting your art our there and having it punched is not my idea of a great day. And while I agree this piece is not laden with research, I disagree with the editor’s summary that it lacks any take-away.  Really?  I drew a parallel between the Number #1 question asked of Gifted Parents to a summary of how we should communicate the need for ALL of us to shine. Nothing, huh?  Oh well…no more time to be sad, so I guess I’ll go back to being awesome. I’ve brought these sweet words back here, where they belonged all along.

The post with no takeaway whatsoever.  You’ve been warned:

Eventually the girls will ask me about their school.  Why do they go to a different school?  Why do they play differently?  Why do they think differently? Why is that not OK with some people they encounter?  Why…and this is just my reality…why is being a nerd a bad thing? Why is it OK to be good at some things, but not others? I am a Shit Creek Survivor guys.  I know there are bullies who will be uncomfortable with their interests, their stories, and their ideas.  I know I cannot shelter them forever.

And for whatever reason, it hit me tonight that these topics must be broached.  Just as I tell them NOW that smoking is a nasty habit, I decided to start NOW with the discussion that the world is filled with wildly different people.  We’re ALL different.  And that’s a great thing, although it may seem at times the world would wish us all to be the same.  People should let their talents shine.  Athletes should perform at their best.  Artists should make great art.  Scholars should solve problems that matter. Or as Kelly put it, “Cookers should cook and sewers should sew”.  Absolutely.  In a world without musicians, there would be no music.  In a world without scientists, there would be no breakthroughs.  In a world without hot pretzels, I’d build a rocket ship and move to another planet.  One preferably WITH hot pretzels.

I’ve been asked many, many times how I feel about my kids being “labeled”.  Oh yes, the infamous labeling.  Whenever asked, I envision my hands holding an old labeling gun as I surreptitiously punch in the letters g-i-f-t-e-d, wait for the blue tape to roll out, and then I stick it to their foreheads.  I didn’t label them. I didn’t play Baby Mozart all day (I tried Baby Einstein and both girls screamed at the top of their lungs and looked as if they were being tortured).  I don’t own any flashcards.  We’re full scale Gymboree drop-outs. I did buy Hooked on Phonics.  Thank God Sara couldn’t find any projectiles, because upon her first watching, she would have thrown something sharp through the TV if it were in her hands. A shared alphabet ain’t her bag, baby.  Just the mere mention of us “all using the same letters” bores her to tears. By the time I tried to get Kelly to watch it, she’d already secretly taught herself to read, but she faked it for a while, because I pay in candy.  In a world without musicians how would Kelly play me like a fiddle?

Nope, I didn’t “label” them, nor is it bad to be labeled as gifted.  Do we ask parents of star athletes if they worry about their kids being labeled as Soccer Players? “Oh gosh, aren’t you worried they’ll be labeled? Don’t find the limits of their ability, because what would happen to their self-esteem if they lost a match? PLUS, all that labeling. Kids will tease them and call them…what? Great at soccer? Yikes. They won’t have any friends if they are labeled as great at sports!” I’m going to raise humble and polite children who do NOT, I repeat DO NOT feel the need to make excuses for their strengths.  Have you ever seen a basketball player make a 3-pointer, turn to the crowd with a red face, and apologize for being so darned good?  “Oh gosh, excuse me.  Did my hours of practice and sweat resulting in excellence make you feel bad?  I am so sorry.  Let me try for an air ball next time.” 2 bits, 4 bits, 6 bits, a Dollar!  If you win this game, we’ll hate you, now holler!

So tonight, after reading a picture book, after Sara asked if the yarn in Extra Yarn was meant to represent love, after Kelly asked if the yarn represented courage…I told them maybe the yarn represents our gifts.  Maybe the Archduke steals the yarn because he can’t buy it.  He’s devastated to find upon stealing the yarn that the yarn box is empty. He condemns the little girl who owns the yarn to a life of unhappiness.  But wouldn’t you know?  She’s not unhappy at all.  She shares her yarn with her entire town, changes the world around her for the better, and just keeps knitting that magically, unending yarn. Sure, the town was dubious at first, but in the end, they were all warm and happy, wearing beautiful sweaters. She paddled right through the doubters and let her talents shine, because there is no honor in letting extra yarn go to waste.

Tonight was the perfect night to share my favorite quote with Duck and Chick.  My anthem. My belief in how it should work.  How I wish it would work.  Let’s start with a Utopian view, and adjust from there, shall we? The vocabulary was way above them, but it’s time for this journey to begin. I appreciate every syllable you have witnessed with me tonight.  I wish deeply for the success of your children, whatever their gifts may be, just as I wish the same for mine.  I wish for them happiness and fulfillment and a life filled with purpose. As a closing to my treatise, I share with you the quote, along with my hopes, my Godspeed companions:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us: it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-Marianne Williamson