This play date inspired me to start a new Girl Band.  I’m calling them “One Of Each”.  When I pitch it to Jay-Z, he’ll ask, ” one of each; is it a boy and a girl band?” I’m going to play it nonchalant and say, “Don’t be predictable, darling.  It’s a HAIR RAINBOW.  So very now. So very mid-2013. Sign them, because I hear 2014 hair will be entirely black and white. We’re working in a window here Jay-Zed (he’ll be impressed by my French pronunciation of his name).  A very tight window.”

When their first hit goes Platinum, I’ll chop my hair off  and go Kardashian Momager (joking! I just heard a collective gasp from everyone who survived my Demi Moore circa “Few Good Men” days).  The wardrobe update will be dreadful because my only pigment resides in my hair, making tank tops not my best look. Unless you’re into light bulb arms, in which case, I’m all the rage. And I don’t even want to talk about skinny jeans.  They make me angry. Just their existence pisses me off. I hear large sunglasses can disguise an entire body of flaws, so I’ll get some Elton John styled shades. Oh. Wait. Not that big? Are you sure?  You might be wrong on that one. OK, listen, no need to argue.  Just leave open the possibility that me with super short hair in a tank top with my crooked C-section scar shoved into skinny jeans while wearing really enormous sunglasses is going to be big.  NOT LITERALLY.  Well…yes.  Maybe. Maybe literally. You’re making some really excellent points today.

One last obstacle: I don’t speak “Kardashian”. I’ve tried studying their species while running at the gym, but it’s clear I’ll need a tutor. Even their non-verbals leave me guessing. I do love it when the husband is on the show, because he looks so much like Bruce Jenner. I come from a family of runners, and they were fans way back when. I wonder what happened to him?

You may be concerned that I know absolutely nothing about the music industry. I’ve never even watched the Grammys. And Indianapolis is not exactly the hot seat for break out bands. If I lived in Minneapolis, that would at least be something.  Prince has left such a hole, hasn’t he? BUT, you may be impressed to know that in 1989 I owned the Journey Box Set. I’ve also been to TWO Lenny Kravitz concerts and I was even sober at one of them.  Sort of. So I figure I know as much about music as Bruce Jenner knows about…wait…what do the Kardashians do? Anyway…I sing in my car.  I’ve got a brand in these heads of hair. I’m good. It will be all good.