Flowers to match Daddy’s wardrobe.
First, I must apologize to my dear friend Shayla, who has a visceral reaction to the word “panties”. It’s an awful word. Just horrendous, I agree. But it’s one syllable shorter than underwear, so I use it. I’m a Mom…always saving time. But I need not apologize further for the repeated use of the word PANTIES, because at this point, Shayla has fainted on the floor and can no longer hear me. JAY! Go get your wife! I put her into a PANTY COMA! Shayla, when you regain consciousness, I owe you a glass of wine.
While we’re on the subject of forbidden words, share with me yours in the comments. Mine is “crisp”. It’s a word that makes my soul cringe whenever I hear it. Crispy? Fine, no problem. But never, not ever…crisp. I digress. On with our story…
Kelly drew a picture for Greg on Saturday, and with her deadpan expression, told Daddy to put it in his work purse. We roll every time she calls his briefcase a work purse, but no one has the heart to correct her. Knowing she’s getting a laugh, she repeats it several times, until Greg and I are almost hysterical with giggles. To be fair, he wears Mary Janes, so it only seems appropriate he carries a work purse.
But his fancy purse and shoes pale in comparison to what came in the mail last week. Greg is famous for pinching pennies, so when he saw an online sale for high quality boxer shorts at a great price, he ordered many. And by many, I mean…why on earth do men need so many boxer shorts? I do the laundry! He’s not going to run out! He read the small print on this particular sale as, “colors cannot be chosen and will be different per shipment”, but Greg didn’t care. A bargain is a bargain, even it’s chartreuse.
The girls and I opened the shipment, finding it contained the most brightly colored underwear ever made. If the Wet & Wild Makeup Company went into the business of making underwear…wait, no…if the movie “The Wedding Singer” were a line of underwear, they could use these boxer shorts in their ads. Seeing the veritable cornucopia of colors, all folded tightly in plastic and hearing me mutter something about underwear, the girls squealed:
“Mommy! Are these for us? These are the best panties ever!!”
Um…no.
“Are they yours?!”
Um…no.
“What? No way. They are…DADDY’S PANTIES?!”
They could not WAIT for Greg to get home, certain that big, strong Daddy would be traumatized to realize he’d ordered everything from tangerine to magenta boxer shorts. But Daddy the Finance Guy should never be underestimated. Not only does Greg swear these are the most comfortable boxer shorts on earth (they are from MeUndies.com), but I think he loves his teal boxers. They are the color of savings. The girls chase him around, “What color Daddy?! What color is it today?!” Putting away the laundry is a trip. It’s like sorting out a rainbow.
There is another possibility. Greg lives with 3 women and a female cat. There ain’t a tomboy in the lot. It’s possible… just possible, that Greg has decided if he can’t beat ’em, he should join ’em, and he shall be starting with accessories. Cerulean is your color baby! Own it!
*MeUndies did not pay me or reimburse me in any way for this post. It’s doubtful they’ll want to know me after reading my review of their dye lots. OR, they are PROUD of their color selection (as they should be), and they’ll be all like, “HEY, this girl gets us. We want to do a giveaway on her blog and give her readers the world’s most comfortable boxer shorts. Readers, you should leave many comments to impress upon them your dedication to brightly-colored, high-quality boxer shorts. And if MeUndies is actually reading…you should sell a line of women’s underwear that actually covers a butt cheek. SOME of us have left our 20’s. I’m not paying full price to cover half a buttock. If you designed some undies for the REAL female butt, Greg and I could be twinsies. TMI? Yeah, OK. I’m going to get email with this one.*
11 responses to “Purses & Panties”
Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.
My word is mucus. Ugh. It even sounds gross. I say mocos which is a little better. Booger is a close second. Actually, vomit. I hate vomit more than I hate mucus.
OK, I laughed so hard I wasn’t sure I’d be able to finish reading. The color of savings is beautiful.
I can just see Aurora finding these wonderful colors and insisting her Daddy needs them. He will do anything for his little girl. The laughter continued as I imagined Teddy Bear Gorilla Daddy wearing colorful panties for his next Princess Tea Party.
I hate the word irregardless, which isn’t really a word but I think it counts. Usually the person who uses it is trying to sounds all sophisticated and smart and all I can think is “what an ass.”
I also hate the word panties so I’m completely sympathetic to your friend Shayla’s plight. Does that mean you’ll revive me with a glass of wine too?
(Oh, and granny panties for me – the idea of much less is too disgusting to contemplate.)
Irregardless. Such a buzz word for me too. That, and “acrosst”. Greg can’t stand it when folks pronounce height as “heighth”.
Robin, As a nurse, unfortunately mucus and vomit come with the territory. I say those words reflexively. However, I cannot say booger. That word is a close second for me as well.
I see the comments above of words you may not like. But I pose this question? Do they make you cringe and make you want to throw up in your mouth every time you hear them? My guess is that they don’t. The “P” word does that for me. Using the word underwear is worth the extra syllable, Lori.
And Greg, I commend you for buying your own “discounted” underwear. Jay would never own a new pair if I didn’t go to the store and buy a package of Hanes.
Of twinsies! Fun!! They should really sell boy/girl sets more often and not from Fredrick’s of Hollywood!
Also, my word is “axe” when you mean “ask”. I’ve been known to yell at strangers when they use it…
This is such a hilarious one! I suggest the word “undies,” which is what I use to satisfy the need for 2 syllables. Except for when the girls are talking about Daddy’s boxers. Then “panties” should be allowed. Lol. Greg, take consolation in the fact that you haven’t aged at all since h.s. and that my hubby will be sporting the same under-colors shortly!
Every morning, when I sit down with my coffee, I never know what kind of hilarious laughs or psychological trauma awaits me on this blog. Greg in rainbow panties falls into the category of psychological trauma, Lori, in case you were wondering. I am never going to be able to look him in the eye again.
I strongly agree with Shayla on “panties.” It makes me feel creepy. Also, “kiddos.” What is that? It’s not even a word. It’s like a manufactured midwestern word that shouldn’t exist.
Lydia,
We’ve survived America’s obsession with Thai food together. We can survive this.
I shall forever transition to SKIVVIES. Is that better? SKII-VEES. But you’ll have to drop your fear of kiddos. A) Because you are Midwestern, and B) Because it’s a word I made up. It’s mine. Check Wikipedia.
Miss you. Come home.