“Did you reboot Lori?  I bet you didn’t even reboot. Power down, Count to 10…you never learn.”

I’m not sure what’s most pertinent, so I’ll just make a list:

(1) Dagny is a BOY.  You may wonder why I paid an expert to investigate, but here’s the thing: I’m a Mom. I touch enough…stuff.  Dagny’s rescuer thought he was a she, and I took her word for it.  Should we have named Dagny, Richard Parker instead? I say what’s done is done. Daggs it is.  Unless Greg’s college buddy Daggs is reading, in which case, I apologize, because Greg just named a cat after you.  With this new turn of events, I think it’s most appropriate to add rank: introducing “Major Dagny Taggart Tatum, US Air Force”. That has a nice ring to it!

(2) Dagny fixed my printer, which has been sprained for months.  I used to simply require my cats to match my rugs, but I think he’s setting a higher bar; my cats should have skills.  Mad Computer SKILLZ. OH! And this one can fly planes!  Wow…D.T.  is getting better by the day.

“DUDE! I’m a DUDE!”

(3) HOWEVER, he is not getting CHEAPER by the day. Dagny is currently filled with ear mites, and probably equally loaded with parasites.  Yum.  He went on a poop strike, but Sara talked him out of it.  Or squeezed it out of him…whatever works.  When taking in a rescued stray, you must always assume they bring river fever with them.  You’ll be less disappointed when the Vet tells you it’s only the plague.

(4) And here’s where it gets dicey: Dagny is an Objectivist. Obviously, I’m trying to be loving about this choice, but it’s going to be a tough one for me. Quite frankly, I’m hoping he’ll outgrow it.  I’m all for total consciousness, but this idea of finding happiness only by pursuing his own self-interests, while very feline, is simply ego-centric. As you may recall, Syd and Cy practice Judaism, so I’m hoping for some spirited debates, FOLLOWED by him changing his mind.  Maybe it’s just a phase. Objectivism reads like a drunk college student spouting frustration during finals week. UGH. Who needs this much angst in a cat?

“Stop fighting me on this woman! It IS an ethos! Existence exists, man.”

(5) This 3 lb cuddle monkey has taken a bit of a liking to me and my lap. So what if he’s an uber-busy pilot with an outdated philosophy on life, in the middle of a gender identity crisis, and full of bugs and poop? So what? Jack had a gambling problem and Max was addicted to processed meats. Sydney weighs more than Kelly and Cy borders on Co-Dependent. Who is perfect?  See my point? I’m keeping him.  Losing the mites, but keeping him.