Someday, should Kelly ever get married, so help me.  So help Daddy. So help us all.  THIS GIRL is going to be a Bridezilla.  Fo’sho’.

Kelly has told us for an entire year that despite hating Halloween (oh Girlfriends, she HATES it), despite her adamant refusal to trick-or-treat, she was most certainly dressing up as a bride.  12 months of certainty, and as luck would have it, my cousin had a brand-spankin’ new costume for her to borrow, straight out of one of those fancy-schmancy costume catalogs.  I didn’t even know those things existed.

Kelly was sure she’d found the perfect dress.  She was veclempt with joy.  UNTIL…oh yes, until…I realized I’d have to make Sara’s dress by hand. Then all bets were off.  Did she still want to be a bride?  Oh yes.  Did she still want to wear her cousin’s dress?  Oh yes.  Did she suddenly swamp my life with a list of “accouterments” every bride must have?  OH YES. Was Sara going to take all of my attention the week of Halloween?  Over her non-existent wedding, which is a nice way of saying “Ah hell no”.

First she marched her scowl into my sewing room and announced, “I’ll need something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue.” She loves the old pearl purse I found at an antique mall years ago.  The dress is borrowed.  She begged and begged for the Madonna lace gloves, which she insisted would just MAKE her bridal assemble.  Fine. But then, alas, her dress is essentially sleeveless.  According to Kelly (and 1st grade Halloween etiquette books everywhere) short sleeved gloves would never do.  NEVA’!

She added leg warmers to her arms.  Whatever.  Go for it Princess.  I won’t bore you with the hours she spent trying on every possible white headband/white piece of fabric combo in the house.  What did she choose?  The one that came with the costume.

The bouquet, the intense, must-have bouquet.  We went ’round and ’round ’bout this thing.  It MUST have a white center flower which MUST NOT be a rose.  White roses should, however, surround it.  Other red flowers are acceptable, as long as there is an abundance of red roses on the edges.  And TWO green leaves.  TWO.  Count thee not to three, and four is RIGHT OUT. When I handed her this highly-specific bouquet, made-to-order by yours truly bouquet, what did she say?  WHAT?  “Mommy, it’s broken.  The handle is crooked.”  No amount of explaining to her that nosegays have angled handles to give the impression of them leaning forward would suffice.  Her bouquet was BROKEN.  I’m sending this Bride a bill.

The shoes were equally hilarious.  MUST be blue, as they are the only thing blue on her.  According to Kelly, no blue, no bride.  I offered to order some, which offended our little betrothed, because after all, Sara was getting an entire costume handmade.  Remember when store-bought was the treat of the century?  What happened?  I took her Cinderella shoes, ripped off the bows, and attached the POOFS she said were a MUST.  ALL THINGS ARE A MUST on your wedding day! I added the hydrangeas to hide where I tied them into the shoes.

And our little bride’s assessment of my attempts to recreate “tiny white truffula trees, floating on my feet”? Too big.  The poofs are way too big.  They look like house slippers.  I JUST HOT GLUED WHITE POOF BALLS TO PLASTIC DRESS UP SHOES!  OF COURSE THEY LOOK LIKE HOUSE SLIPPERS!  (That a Madam would wear, but let’s no go there).

I told the squirt to stick them on her feet or go barefoot. Or wear tennis shoes.  Bridal Shop Couture de Momma was closed for the season.  I told her 100x I loved her no matter how many flowers I stuffed into the keister of Sara’s dress.  But mixing Momma-sharing with her least favorite holiday with the fear of the all-school parade made for an icky-Kelly mixture.  The picture above was taken moments before the parade (I’m dressed as Amy Farrah Fowler from “The Big Bang Theory”, but I’ll show those pics later). She did march, which was BIG for her, squeezing my hand for dear life through the entire parade.

And here we are moments after the parade ended, when Kelly realized how not scared she is of Halloween anymore. She even danced in the gym at the all-school dance party.  She enjoyed all of the games at her class party.  She posed for pictures with her friends.  And then she told me I MUST call Cousin Jordyn and thank her for this GORGEOUS costume, which made her feel like the prettiest girl on earth. She announced one last complaint to me, however: “Mommy, my costume is missing just one more thing.” Exasperated, I asked, “What on earth could you possibly add?”  A GROOM, Mommy.  A groom. I’ll give Kelly this much: she’s a stubborn handful at times, but she always makes me laugh.

Isn’t that the way with brides?  They finish the wedding and find out after all the hub-bub, what was all that drama about?  They are still the same gals they were before they alienated everyone they loved with their tempers and ridiculous demands.

And because I hauled, kicked, and shoved mountains of mess out of the way to take these photos, I thought you should see the nicest, cleanest angle I could get of my sewing room. The sewing table is to the right and out of view, which is for the better.  It’s so covered in thread, bobbins, and fabric, you might wonder how I didn’t sew myself to it.  I might have….a couple of times. So worth it.  SO, SO much fun this year.  Happy Halloween everybody!