Even the background on this picture will freak you out! (*Read below)

If you don’t believe in spirits or ghosts, you may wish to look away. If you fear bed bugs, you may wish to keep reading. I know announcing this piece is only for readers who both believe in poltergeists AND fear bed bugs truly narrows my demographics, but we don’t choose these things. They choose us.

First, our area of town had a 15 hour power outage this week which necessitated the tossing of not only our entire fridge, but the ginormous tub of ham and beans I had made for my Grandpa. And the chilled cookie dough…his wife’s recipe. That was hard. As we lay sweltering in the humidity at 3 am, I decided this apartment is most certainly haunted. Greg doesn’t like to speak of such things, so maybe we should say, “This apartment is occupied by a tenant WE CANNOT SEE, but is very good at letting us know HE IS HERE.” In my exhaustion and dehydration, I started calling him Spirit John. I don’t know why. Delirium doesn’t come with a guide book.

Second, even after repurchasing a fridge full of food, I had made up my mind to look for Zen in this unlivable situation. SURELY there is a lesson for me in this. WHAT could it BE? I tried telling Spirit John this morning I wanted to go as much as it seemed he wished for me to leave, when I heard a knock at the door. No one visits us here. My friends are fairly certain this apartment is haunted (sorry Greg, “containing prior occupants”). There stood the Property Manager, looking…? Full of bad news. Of course it was bad news. He never has GOOD news. “Congratulations Lori! You have been on Candid Camera all summer and you win! It was a gigantic game of Apartment Survivor and here is a check for ONE MEEL-EON DOLLARS!”

No. That wasn’t the purpose of his call. The dishwasher sent up smoke signals last week, and I should have paid attention. Our neighbors have a wicked infestation of bed bugs, brought in by furniture arriving from Chicago. And guess what? Bed bugs can crawl through walls and come in through outlets! WHO KNEW?! I didn’t know! I know NOW! Luckily, the Inspector (we’re on each others’ Xmas card lists at this point) found absolutely no sign of bed bugs in our apartment. Whew.

But that was my last bullet. Zen, sorry ’bout your luck. Maybe another go’round. This time, I’m pulling up stakes and we are OUTTA HERE. Tomorrow, we start the move, and by Saturday evening, we should be in new digs. Not on a construction zone, and hopefully not with a less-than-friendly ghost. I decided to call a Shamanic Healer and complete any recommended checklists titled, “How to make sure the bad luck stays behind”, which may seem outlandish to some, but not to anyone who has faithfully read this blog all summer. My sister signed off our phone call tonight with, “Hey…before I forget…Good Luck getting rid of your Poltergeist!”

Greg just wants to get out, even if he has to put up with my pan-belief-system, so our conversation tonight went something like this:

Me: I ordered 3 sage smudge sticks tonight, and they will be here tomorrow.

Greg: That is coming out of your allowance.

Me: Oh no it isn’t. It’s a moving expense. I’m going to unstick any spirits attached to our stuff, and then I’m using one to clean the aura of our new apartment.

Greg: And just what budget category does “sage smudge stick” come out of? OH! Sorry! I remember! You’ve been asking me to create a “Hocus Pocus” category for years. Or would you like to take it out of the Voodoo fund? The Hooey money we’ve saved perhaps?

Me: You will THANK ME LATER, MY MAN! 

I tell you this story not to bring about a jinx on our move, but rather to ask for your good wishes. The girls are obviously upset by the upheaval this is causing, and quite frankly, Kelly says she’ll miss Spirit John (proving they never sleep at night, and sit at the top of the stairs listening to everything Greg and I say). The stress of moving with such short notice has given Sara a migraine (which she is blaming on Red Dye #40, because heaven knows she won’t accept real emotions without an internal battle). Both are certain our world is covered in bed bugs, and who can blame them? I’ve been scratching my arms all day, just thinking about it. YUCK! We’ll move into an apartment in a building nearby (but away from construction), and we’ll move again in about 7 weeks. Not our best case scenario, but what would that even be at this point?

I KNOW! A check for ONE MEEL-EON DOLLARS! Just kidding. We’re blessed beyond words and will be home sweet home before the first snowflake falls. Hang in there with me. It’s going to get fun from here.

*I had no idea what picture to pair with this post. I thought I would do something random, and I looked over my last download from the State Fair. It would seem the girls got a hold of the camera in the recent past, and I found several silly pictures, clearly taken by my children. I found this one in the mix. I don’t even know if it’s Sara or Kelly under that blanket. Maybe it’s Spirit John! Somehow, I thought he’d be taller…