My friend Lydia is in love with my hair, so this picture is actually porn. We’re getting old. It doesn’t take much.

A few friends have asked me how it feels to be NOT the PTA President. It feels amazing. Not in a regretful, I’m so glad it’s over, kind of way. Definitely quite the opposite. It’s more of a “I can’t believe it’s over and I loved it so much” kind of way, and HEY! LOOK AT ALL THIS FREE TIME! What am I doing with myself? Nothing, really. No, honestly. Nothing. Ask Greg…he’ll validate my current amoeba-like state. And could someone pick him up some bananas when they are next at the store, because the definition of “nothing” includes “not running errands”. It’s 2014! Who leaves the house JUST to get bananas these days? Don’t we have 3D printers for that sort of thing?

I might be depressed. Or ridiculously happy. It’s hard to say. Let’s hold all judgement until the ride is over.

Many friends have gently told me I’m not a hat-person, but I still say they’re wrong. It’s all about finding the RIGHT hat.

However, as “Immediate Past President” my picture still has to go up on the PTA Bulletin Board at school…only slightly more than nothing, but still…a little something. To-Do List for First Week of School? Email ONE picture to the Bulletin Board Chair. And HERE’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN LORI GETS BORED. The following conversation is partially true, partially fabricated, partially a conversation between myself and the Bulletin Board Chairman (we’ll call her “BBC” and protect the innocent), and partially a conversation between me and my iPhoto files. Let’s smoosh it all together and have some fun:

BBC: I need a picture of you for the Bulletin Board. I’m happy to take one, or crop something you have.

Me: Oh fun! Here’s one.

BBC: I wasn’t able to crop the girls out of this one, and you’re sticking out your tongue?

Me: I didn’t even notice! Oops. Try again!

BBC: The rest of the pictures submitted are in color. Do you have this one in color?

Me: Oh, sorry no, but that makes sense. Ooooh! Do you like this one?

BBC: Maybe not in costume?

Me: We’re going serious this year? OK, I’m not making a goofy expression in this one.

BBC: You are holding a goat. An actual, real, live goat.

Me: No goats. Got it.

BBC: Is this one even you? How much hair do you have?!

Me: It simply cannot be measured. I could make rugs on a daily basis, just on what falls out. OK, OK! Serious. One shot. Of ME, not just my hair. Got it.

BBC: That’s you with a mustache. Can you just meet me after school and I’ll take your picture?

Me: I’m kind of funny about having my picture taken. I really can’t stand it. Let me try again. I’m SURE I have something!

BBC: This is you in a very large wig. Are you feeling OK? We’ll be standing together in the lobby in ONE HOUR AND I AM HAPPY TO TAKE ONE.

Me: Dude! Am I making this overly complicated? I feel like I’m over-thinking it. What are the requirements again?

In the end, I sent 9 pictures. Partially because I’m a goof, and partially because it was informative for me to realize I rarely take serious pictures. Or pictures without live animals (that statement includes pictures with my monkey children). Today was a great exercise in structuring my newly-discovered free-time:

(1) Buy Greg bananas. (Proving I’m “Wife of the Year” because I don’t even eat bananas.)

(2) Clean out the 18,000 pictures in my iPhoto files.

(3) Get a head shot for my next job as? Next job….hmm…”Chairman of banana buying and iPhoto file cleaning”. And you thought I’d go stir-crazy…