For Crimes Against Technology (broke her sister’s tablet; although accidental, restitution has been mandated by the courts).

For Crimes Against Her Sibling (tried to steal her ice pack).

For Crimes Against Homework (was sent to her bed 4x during Sunday homework session to work on her attitude).

For Crimes Against Her Momma (felony back-talking).

For Crimes Against Technology (sneaking an iPad into bed to watch forbidden Disney sitcoms).

For Crimes Against Her Sibling (after losing her ice pack, she kicked Sara in the chest; punishment revoked as she was acting in self-defense).

For Crimes Against Her Homework (refusing to engage in her leaf project, assuming her parents will do it for her. WRONGO, Bunny. W-r-o-n-g-o).

For Crimes Against Housekeeping (failing to deposit dirty laundry anywhere NEAR the laundry basket, and repeat offender of hiding laundry under her bed).

Both girls are also charged with harboring a biological weapon. They brought home a cold which my immune system has somehow morphed into a treatment-resistant superbug. Fear the virus that can’t be taken down by Nyquil…fear it people.

Cheers from my desk, clinking Theraflu tea cups with you, dear Readers. Godspeed. To every parent entering Homework Season, Fall of 2014, Godspeed.